A generous, funny, and charming young man now has thousands of clones who all act like him, except they have orders from their creators to bring terror to those they ensnare in a romantic relationship.

    Samurai Posted on November 3, 2019 in Horror.

    title: $7,000,000

    on November 3, 2019.
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    4 Review(s)

      It might be a good idea to have the lead character in your logline.

      Singularity Answered on November 9, 2019.
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        So what is the generous, funny, and charming young man going to do about it? To me this is just the inciting incident. What happens next?

        Summitry Answered on November 4, 2019.

        The inciting incident is in fact when one of the leads, Issac, is cloned hundreds of thousands of times by the NSA. The rest of the story follows a young woman, Contessa, who falls in love with Issac (or is it one of the clones?). More and more clones of Issac enter her life, they become increasingly more abusive towards her, and it is as though Contessa is being targeted (she is in fact being monitored so incredibly wealthy men can bet on her actions when she is in duress, while the primary purpose of cloning Issac, and others, is to create cheap labour on jobs nobody wants to do).

        on November 6, 2019.
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          When an affable young man is cloned thousands of times, their creators bring terror to those they entrap romantically.

          – Carved down to its essence.

          Inciting incident – his cloning.

          This needs a “And” or a “But”.

          “And now he has to stop them” or something.

          We need stakes too… Perhaps affable young man is getting married? Perhaps he discovers he’s been unknowingly cloned?

          He wakes up one morning and sees several clones walking around. – that would be a good opening hook.

          “That guy looks exactly like me?… That guy too… What the hell?”

          Young part aside I imagined Paul Rudd in the lead. Don’t know why.

          Mentor Answered on November 8, 2019.

          Your logline suggestions are entirely different than the story I have in mind, please do not try and take control of my own creative endeavours. I have written out the story arc in a previous post, maybe try and suggest a logline more in tune with my story.

          on November 8, 2019.

          I’m just playing around. Experimenting. You can see your thing from another angle.

          You’ll probably get a clearer idea of what you want to do by reacting off mine. 

          I mean – I’m not saying you should use “in order to fund his wedding” or whatever. But that’s what I personally think is missing…

          A very strong intention and some stakes.

          What could he lose if everything goes to shit?

          Lets focus on the problem – there’s something missing from this logline…

          What do you think it is?

          on November 8, 2019.

          Also – if I’m conjuring up my own ideas from looking at your logline – there probably is something wrong with it.

          As in… it’s too vague and I’m now using my imagination to make it clearer. I had that with one of mine.

          I used the wrong word and it conjured up the wrong thing in the reader’s imagination.

          You know what I mean? With a very strong logline – we see exactly what the writer intended.

          Anyways – again, good luck!

          on November 8, 2019.
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            Next try…

            A man clones himself in order to fund his wedding, however, the clones begin to terrorise those they ensnare romantically – including his fiancee.

            I got rid of the affable and young parts. Not really needed. He can be young in the screenplay.

            Mentor Answered on November 8, 2019.
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