A has-been country singer reunites with his estranged reckless 16-year old daughter on his way to a comeback concert.
I realize that you’re brainstorming the premise for options. And I commend your perseverance.
What I, as a logline reader, am looking for is a story hook. Something that makes this story story stand out from the pack, from all the other scripts about dysfunctional family relationships. Something that grabs my interest, makes me want to find out what happens next.
Alas, I am not yet hooked on the story. And the logline sets up a situation for a plot — but it doesn’t follow through with a snapshot of a complete plot. Like, what’s the objective goal here? Further, I don’t a sense of the stakes. What will be lost if they fail to reconcile?
What’s the inciting incident that causes him to reunite with his daughter? Why are they thrown together? That’s important as it goes some way to suggest the mental state of both characters.
As per previous versions of this logline, the fact that he’s a country singer is somewhat irrelevant. It does suggest a mood for the film – something akin to Crazy Heart (2009) – but it’s more important that we understand the story as a whole. If you have space then by all means but it doesn’t need to be there to understand the family dynamics at play. That is primarily what this story is about – a dysfunctional family drama… which leads me to my next point.
I don’t see this as a comedy at all. It might have elements of comedy in it but, in this version of the logline at least, I’m struggling to see anything comedic.
The protagonist’s characteristics are that he’s a has-been country singer. This doesn’t help the reader see either his journey through the story (his arc) or how he’s likely to deal with situations. In my mind, these are the two key things that the characteristics should be doing – telling us who this character really is. If he’s a drunk he’s going to drink and/or quit. If he’s depressed he might find happiness. If he’s selfish he might become selfless. The daughter’s characteristics are better – reckless is great – it immediately gives us an idea who she is as a character. As she’s an estranged daughter we also understand why she’s probably reckless. We can empathise with her straight away. We need to do the same with the protagonist.
Is this whole film set on the road? I think the idea of a road movie with these two characters could be great. There just needs to be a strong reason why these two are suddenly thrown together.
Hope this helps.