Hey, nice work. I have two questions; 1) What happens if her family falls apart? I know it would be sad but that might not be enough. 2) Can you give us a descriptive word about the mother? I personally jumped to thinking about my mum because she is the matriarch in my family but that’s not really what you want, you want us thinking about THIS woman and what she might do. Keep it up!
Why do we care if the family stays together? What sort of secrets are we talking about? How is she going to keep her family together? Is this happening over a year? Or over one crazy afternoon (I think one crazy afternoon is better)?
Who is the matriarch? Give her a characteristic. Something that fleshes her out and makes her real for the reader – she’s your main character after all and the weight of the entire plot rests on her shoulders… she deserves a little more.
Most importantly, what’s the hook? What sets this story apart from other domestic issue films?
Check out Ordinary People and Festen for great examples.
Julien Perrottet
Hey, nice work. I have two questions; 1) What happens if her family falls apart? I know it would be sad but that might not be enough. 2) Can you give us a descriptive word about the mother? I personally jumped to thinking about my mum because she is the matriarch in my family but that’s not really what you want, you want us thinking about THIS woman and what she might do. Keep it up!
sabrown
Thank you for that feedback.
Mike Pedley
Why do we care if the family stays together? What sort of secrets are we talking about? How is she going to keep her family together? Is this happening over a year? Or over one crazy afternoon (I think one crazy afternoon is better)?
Who is the matriarch? Give her a characteristic. Something that fleshes her out and makes her real for the reader – she’s your main character after all and the weight of the entire plot rests on her shoulders… she deserves a little more.
Most importantly, what’s the hook? What sets this story apart from other domestic issue films?
Check out Ordinary People and Festen for great examples.
sabrown
Thanks for the feedback. I will consider everything and come back stronger.