A memory damaged young man wakes impossibly from a long-term coma determined to find himself before it’s too late
A logline is a statement of a protagonist’s pursuit of a specific objective goal. An objective goal is concrete; that is, a goal that can be seen, can be visualized on screen. For example, if a protagonist’s objective goal is to win a race, then the visual that confirms his reaching that goal would be his breaking the tape, crossing the finish life first. If the goal is to graduate from college, then the visual might be the character receiving her diploma during the graduation ceremony.
So what will the visual moment “find himself” look like at the end of the story? What will the audience see?
Agreed with DPG – vague goals don’t inform readers.
On wording, “…wakes impossibly from…” should be rewritten as ‘against all the odds, wakes from.’
Aside from a vague goal and wording issues, the motivating event isn’t clear. What forced him to take action? Was it being comatose in the first place, waking up, or something else?
I agree. It’s missing a hurdle or at at stakes to push the protagonist and the story forward.This helps me brainstorm more when doing my loglines.
1. Identify the protagonist
2. Inciting incident. What blows the characters life apart?
3. Protagonist goal.
4. Central conflict. What obstacles that get in the way of your character. A antagonist or antagonistic forces.