A mob enforcer who lives by the strict code that failure equals death, meets his match when £3 million of mob funds is stolen by a desperate young man determined to make a difference with his life by ensuring the dirty money serves a charitable cause.
This was a lot to digest. The bulk of it not necessary to a logline. (Necessary to you but not to the logline.)
When mob funds are stolen by a man who then gives them to a charitable cause, a mob enforcer must… or else/before…
Filling these in will help you.
i actually love the premise of this, but can i ask you something? who is the protagonist, is it the mob boss, or the desperate man? if i were you i’d want that to be clearer, and its also a tad long. maybe try shortening. this is my version of yours:
When a calculating mob boss falls victim to a loss of 3 million dollars, he meets his match by a desperate young man determined to make a difference with his life by ensuring the dirty money serves a charitable cause.
But i actually love the idea of your film. very interesting. logline is almost there mate. just needs to be refined and tightened. good stuff!