A mob enforcer who lives by the strict code that failure equals death, meets his match when £3 million of mob funds is stolen by a desperate young man determined to make a difference with his life by ensuring the dirty money serves a charitable cause.

    Penpusher Posted on May 5, 2020 in Action.
    Add Comment
    2 Review(s)

      This was a lot to digest. The bulk of it not necessary to a logline. (Necessary to you but not to the logline.)

      When mob funds are stolen by a man who then gives them to a charitable cause, a mob enforcer must… or else/before

      Filling these in will help you.

      INTENTION: ?

      OBSTACLE: ?

      Good luck!

      Mentor Answered on May 9, 2020.
      Add Comment

        i actually love the premise of this, but can i ask you something? who is the protagonist, is it the mob boss, or the desperate man? if i were you i’d want that to be clearer, and its also a tad long. maybe try shortening. this is my version of yours:

        When a calculating mob boss falls victim to a loss of 3 million dollars, he meets his match by a desperate young man determined to make a difference with his life by ensuring the dirty money serves a charitable cause.

        But i actually love the idea of your film. very interesting. logline is almost there mate. just needs to be refined and tightened. good stuff!

        Penpusher Answered on May 11, 2020.
        Add Comment

        Your Review

        By posting your review, you agree to the privacy policy and terms of service.