A once indulgent father now battles his spoiled children who are stealing his retirement money.

    Father Goode

    Penpusher Posted on August 31, 2015 in Public.
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      Even if you don’t want to cover off the inciting incident, it may be good to put it into a scenario to give it context.  What is motivating his battle with his children?  Perhaps just a “After discovering that adult children have been stealing his retirement money a (potential description) has to do battle (what does that look like) to get his money back.

      The “do battle” is that a court room drama or a family fight.  His he scamming them to get his money back or just arguing his head off.  Cramming all this into a few lines is very difficult.

      Singularity Answered on April 19, 2016.
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        Indulgent of his children, or self-indulgent? One is certainly more sympathetic than the other! I assume ‘spoiled children’ means the former – but maybe it could be clearer?

        Default Answered on August 31, 2015.
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          The sentence construct in this logline is not clear and the irony it eludes to is lost.

          Secondly this logline doesn’t describe a plot, what does the father specifically want to achieve? Get the money his kids spent back from them? Teach them a lesson? Either way how will he do that? This should be described in the logline.

          Lastly, why now? Why not a year ago? What event compelled him to need to battle his kids? What is his inciting incident?

          Hope this helps.

          Singularity Answered on August 31, 2015.
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