henbSamurai Posted: September 19, 20192019-09-19T23:07:20+10:00 2019-09-19T23:07:20+10:00In: SciFiA one-armed young man obsesses over becoming an astronaut after a final discussion with his girlfriend, and turns to criminal actions to fulfill his desire after the space agency rejects him.– ShareFacebook3 ReviewsVotedOldestRecentMike Pedley United Kingdom (UK) 67 Loglines 633 Reviews 99 Best Reviews 50,992 Points View Profile Mike Pedley Singularity 2019-09-24T21:06:17+10:00Added an answer on September 24, 2019 at 9:06 pm —-After a final discussion with his girlfriend What exactly happens in this discussion? If he’s obsessed with being an astronaut, surely that was there before this conversation? I don’t see how this conversation has any bearing on the story.—-Turns to criminal actions Like what? What could he actually do that would allow him to actually go into space – something that takes millions of dollars, expertise, manpower, etc, etc. I just don’t see how this could possibly happen.I struggle to see how your version could work This is based on the logline as it currently stands – if there’s some vital information missing then I’d recommend a rewrite.Why not make this an empowering film about the power of the human spirit. Rather than resorting to being a criminal, have it so he actually enlists in the astronaut training programme and NASA (because NASA wants to be seen as inclusive – kinda like G.I. Jane) accepts him on the course without any belief that he’ll actually succeed. But he does, with some assistance from some of his fellow recruits and ends up achieving his dream.Hope this helps. 0 Share ShareShare on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedInShare on WhatsAppMike Pedley United Kingdom (UK) 67 Loglines 633 Reviews 99 Best Reviews 50,992 Points View Profile Mike Pedley Singularity 2019-10-23T20:03:07+10:00Added an answer on October 23, 2019 at 8:03 pm So you have a one armed black guy who turns to crime in order to afford a prosthetic limb which will enable to somehow go into space without assistance from the space agency.I feel like this is problematic at best. As per my previous question – how, if he can’t even afford a prosthetic limb, how is he going to go into space without the space agency’s help?My biggest problem is that your story is meant to be about racial equality, but you’re suggesting that the only way a one-armed black person can go into space is by resorting to crime.0 Share ShareShare on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedInShare on WhatsAppMike Pedley United Kingdom (UK) 67 Loglines 633 Reviews 99 Best Reviews 50,992 Points View Profile Mike Pedley Singularity 2019-11-02T02:30:57+10:00Added an answer on November 2, 2019 at 2:30 am I still struggle to see the message from this as being a positive one about how inequality can be tackled. Your protagonist, the guy you want the audience to sympathise and empathise way, decides that the only way to achieve his goal is to rob banks, murder people, and hijack a rocket. It seems to me that the message is that criminal behaviour is an appropriate response to an unfair world… or maybe that’s the point? That an unfair world is the cause of these sorts of behaviours?Do you want this to be a downer ending that says something pretty damning about mankind or something that’s about the strength of the human spirit in overcoming disability?0 Share ShareShare on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedInShare on WhatsAppYou must login to can add an answer. Username or email* Password* Remember Me! Forgot Password?