A one-armed young man obsesses over becoming an astronaut after a final discussion with his girlfriend, and turns to criminal actions to fulfill his desire after the space agency rejects him.

    Samurai Posted on September 19, 2019 in SciFi.

    title: SPACE FISH

    on September 19, 2019.
    Add Comment
    3 Review(s)

      —-After a final discussion with his girlfriend
      What exactly happens in this discussion? If he’s obsessed with being an astronaut, surely that was there before this conversation? I don’t see how this conversation has any bearing on the story.

      —-Turns to criminal actions
      Like what? What could he actually do that would allow him to actually go into space – something that takes millions of dollars, expertise, manpower, etc, etc. I just don’t see how this could possibly happen.

      I struggle to see how your version could work This is based on the logline as it currently stands – if there’s some vital information missing then I’d recommend a rewrite.

      Why not make this an empowering film about the power of the human spirit. Rather than resorting to being a criminal, have it so he actually enlists in the astronaut training programme and NASA (because NASA wants to be seen as inclusive – kinda like G.I. Jane) accepts him on the course without any belief that he’ll actually succeed. But he does, with some assistance from some of his fellow recruits and ends up achieving his dream.

      Hope this helps.

       

       

       

       

      Summitry Answered on September 24, 2019.

      The protagonist is obsessed with their final discussion because he is partly at fault for her death (they agreed to go to space together). The main character is rejected for having one arm and being Black (so he turns to crime to afford a limb device that should be free to him). NASA is far from inclusive (same with the rest of society). That is the point of this story.

      on October 23, 2019.
      Add Comment

        So you have a one armed black guy who turns to crime in order to afford a prosthetic limb which will enable to somehow go into space without assistance from the space agency.

        I feel like this is problematic at best. As per my previous question – how, if he can’t even afford a prosthetic limb, how is he going to go into space without the space agency’s help?

        My biggest problem is that your story is meant to be about racial equality, but you’re suggesting that the only way a one-armed black person can go into space is by resorting to crime.

        Summitry Answered on October 23, 2019.

        It seems you have a lot of issues with my story. I will answer your assumptions. The main character, Donny, believes if he buys an artificial robotic limb (the Arti-Limb) he will then be accepted by the agency to go into space, because that is what they lead on. The story is about all forms of inequality, and is meant to inspire equality.

        There has never been a one-armed Black astronaut, and Donny wouldn’t of had to rob banks if the world and humanity were equal or fair.

        on October 23, 2019.

        Has there ever been a one-armed white astronaut?

        on October 23, 2019.

        Let’s not get into semantics. The point is our world still fails at providing equal rights for so many beings (minorities especially). I hope we can both agree on that.

        on October 23, 2019.

        Please don’t mistake this as me trying to start a discussion about equality. I am merely highlighting potential issues with the story that could prove to be stumbling blocks along the way. If I’m asking these questions, there’s a chance someone else will ask the same ones.

        For me, if you want to make it about equality then this guy needs to do everything right and by the book. He passes every test thrown at him, he nails every psych evaluation and he’s still not accepted simply because they believe his disability makes him a risk. I cited G.I. Jane previously which I think is a good example of this kind of thing. For it to have a powerful message (which I’m guessing is just because you’re disabled doesn’t mean you’re unable… right?) and for him to be a character the audience gets behind, I don’t believe he needs to break the law (which runs the risk of losing the audience).

        In addition to all this, I still want to know how he actually manages to get into space without the help of a space agency.

        on October 23, 2019.

        The main character is the top cadet at space academy by the end of the six month crash course. The messages of this script are everyone is able if everyone were equal, and there are extremely insidious forces preventing this from happening. The main character robs multiple banks with the help of two professional criminals and he purchases an Arti-Limb. Still he is denied due to previous massacres occurring because of the limb device he has on. Donny fills with anger and accidentally murders the man who denied him then a security guard on purpose. Donny then hijacks a rocket after murdering two astronauts and almost reaches space, except the final remaining astronaut causes the rocket to explode before it can exit Earth’s atmosphere.

        on October 26, 2019.
        Add Comment

          I still struggle to see the message from this as being a positive one about how inequality can be tackled. Your protagonist, the guy you want the audience to sympathise and empathise way, decides that the only way to achieve his goal is to rob banks, murder people, and hijack a rocket. It seems to me that the message is that criminal behaviour is an appropriate response to an unfair world… or maybe that’s the point? That an unfair world is the cause of these sorts of behaviours?

          Do you want this to be a downer ending that says something pretty damning about mankind or something that’s about the strength of the human spirit in overcoming disability?

          Summitry Answered on November 2, 2019.

          This story is definitely a downer, and yes the point is that an unfair society breeds death and crime. I have the main character turning to crime because it parallels real life. Black people who struggle with money often turn to crime, same with people of other races when facing similar problems. There is still much to learn from stories that do not feature positive actions. This is a cautionary tale and the audience should learn that the main character’s actions should not be replicated and could have been avoided if there was any justice.

          on November 2, 2019.
          Add Comment

          Your Review

          By posting your review, you agree to the privacy policy and terms of service.