A poverty-stricken mother supports her family by smuggling illegal immigrants across the U.S. Canadian Border.

    (15 words)

    Frozen River

    Singularity Posted on July 27, 2019 in Drama,   Examples.
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    2 Review(s)

      That’s the pitching version. It’s got a strong hook. At 15 words,  it’s almost high concept. (The hook alone, not knowing any other information , was all I needed to know to want to view the movie.)

      Here’s my development version, laying out the essential script elements:

      After her drug-addicted husband absconds with her meager savings, a poverty-stricken mother supports her family by teaming up with a Native American woman to smuggle illegal immigrants across the U.S. Canadian border.
      (32 words)

      Why must she team up with a Native American woman? Because she’s a member of the Mohawk tribe, whose reservation lands straddle the U.S. American border.  Local law enforcement has no legal writ to either investigate suspicious activities or arrest Mohawks on their tribal land. The local police have to catch smugglers off the reservation.  . This is what creates the opportunity to smuggle illegals.

      That is down-in-the-weeds information necessary to include in the script, but  not necessary to include in either version of the logline.  A pitching logline should focus on the sizzle.  The development logline should succinctly describe the steak.

      Singularity Answered on July 27, 2019.
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        Good idea. There’s a lot of potential for a great story here. It make me want to know more.

        Penpusher Answered on August 14, 2019.
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