A quirky, slightly neurotic writer must overcome years of social anxiety and isolation in order to win the heart of the man she loves.
Only slightly? In a comedy?
>>>overcome years of social anxiety and isolation
Needs to be more specific. How does she intend to overcome? What’s her game plan? Join an improvisation group? Do stand up comedy? Take up ballroom dancing? Or…?
I’m with dpg. Why not push her to be totally neurotic – her journey is bigger and much more meaningful. Consider “As Good as it Gets” – Melvin Udall’s (Jack Nicholson) OCD is so engrained in his life from the very first time we see him that we understand just how significant his journey is. That film has a very similar premise to this so if you haven’t seen it, check it out!
As dpg pointed out, the goal needs to be more specific and visual. Film is a visual medium – how do you show someone visually overcoming years of social anxiety and isolation? Create a goal that symbolises her overcoming these internal obstacles.
Hope this helps.
In the movie, ‘Bridget Jone’s Diary’, Bridget; A quirky, slightly neurotic woman finds love when she realizes true love is when the person loves you just as you are.
In this version of your logline, you imply that the in order to be loved the lead must change who she is.
I didn’t get that from your first logline attempt so I assume it is an unintended consequence of your re-write.
It is important for a character to grow, but the growth is usually a consequence of the action and not the reason for the action.
I like the sound of this, but I agree with the other reviewers that it could do with being more specific. She sounds more than ‘slightly’ neurotic given your description. Can you make it more specific, and is there something she has to actively do to win the man’s heart?
“quirky, slightly neurotic writer” —> Why not put quirky, neurotic writer instead?
“Must overcome years of social anxiety and isolation” —> You should be a little more specific with how the character goes on about achieving the goal, maybe add a little more stakes?