Kishimoto.PiPenpusher Asked: May 10, 20212021-05-10T06:44:18+10:00 2021-05-10T06:44:18+10:00In: FantasyA reckless fourteen-year-old aeronaut plans on breaking out his orphan keeper from a foreign prison using a magic hot air balloon.Roland’s Magic Hot Air Balloon ShareFacebook3 ReviewsVotedOldestRecentJay_Bird 1 Logline 6 Reviews 0 Best Reviews 34 Points View Profile Jay_Bird Penpusher 2021-05-10T07:33:30+10:00Added an answer on May 10, 2021 at 7:33 am This is a really intriguing idea! The term “his orphan keeper” is confusing. It’s not a term really used in English so can you clarify who this character is and what their relationship to the protagonist is? Is the orphan keeper the 14 year old’s legal guardian, mother figure, father figure? Or are they the person who runs the orphanage? If that’s the case you could use something like this:An orphaned young aeronaut is thrilled to find his hot air balloon has mystical powers and plots to use this magic in a daring attempt to break his loving father figure out of prison.I hope this is helpful!0 Share ShareShare on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedInShare on WhatsAppKishimoto.Pi 1 Logline 1 Review 0 Best Reviews 20 Points View Profile Kishimoto.Pi Penpusher 2021-05-10T09:20:55+10:00Replied to answer on May 10, 2021 at 9:20 am First off, I just want to say thank you so much for your review. I really appreciate you taking the time to give your opinion and suggestions!Second, to clarify “his orphan keeper” and the relationship he has with her, Her name is Jessie and she ran an orphanage where she met Roland the fourteen-year-old. The two grew a strong bond and Jessie became like an older sister to Roland.I just don’t know how I would go about wording that relationship in a logline. Again, thank you for your review and your suggestion is very helpful.0 Share ShareShare on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedInShare on WhatsAppOdie 4 Loglines 282 Reviews 30 Best Reviews 1,654 Points View Profile Odie Samurai 2021-05-12T02:58:15+10:00Replied to answer on May 12, 2021 at 2:58 am Good points from Jay_Bird, also amp up this “foreign prison”.Example: “An orphaned young aeronaut sets out to break his soul-sister OR surrogate sister from Minefield prison using a magic hot-air balloon”0 Share ShareShare on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedInShare on WhatsAppYou must login to add an answer. Username or email* Password* Remember Me! Forgot Password?