A secretly gay detective in the 1940’s must investigate the murder of the man with whom he had a love affair with.
choshnic10Logliner
A secretly gay detective in the 1940’s must investigate the murder of the man with whom he had a love affair with.
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This logline has a nice hook. It clearly presents it at the beginning and it goes on to describe the plot concisely. It implies high stakes. I think the logline is a good one.
Good luck with this story.
Definitely a good hook.
My suggestion:
In the 1940’s, a gay detective is assigned to investigate the murder of a married man who?was his secret lover.
(21 words)
I inserted “married” because it ?adds emotional complexity to the story.
fwiw
Yet still it doesn’t include the present struggle that the detective (gay or not) must overcome. I mean, eventually this guy will conclude his case, no? Just because Hollywood is obsessed with what people do within their bedrooms doesn’t mean we have a solid plot. However, with the current winds on the blacklist, phrase this properly and I bet you’d garner interest.
Foxtrot,
The logline clearly states the objective goal of the detective, to solve the case. So yes, concluding the case, solving it, is the present struggle he must overcome. Once he solves it, or fails to solve it at the climax, the conflict is resolved. ?It also implies a great personal stake, that in less tolerable times, the man could be killed just for being gay. So I’m not sure what you’re getting at.
Let me word it differently. The detective isn’t in love with him anymore, so why would this not be just another case for him? Indicate that he needs to solve it before evidence comes out that the detective had previous involvement with the victim, or even better, that the detective will then become exposed or even the prime suspect or even, then yes — I can see his motive to solve needs to be done swiftly.
Otherwise, this is all an internal struggle, no? ?Surely, we can do better than just solving a murder case, no? Did they kill gay investigators in the 40’s? Are we talking about a faith-based story?
Add that the love affair has another dimension to it, like the victim was rich and there is a ton of money at stake. Or there was a payoff to keep quiet… just rambling.
I think this logline is completely serviceable. Your story is compelling and I can see all the turns laid out in front of me. Sometimes we are mistaken and start commenting on story rather than tightening a logline.
I agree with Foxtrot, to some degree.
Once the MC is established as gay and the audience get over the: ‘OMG he’s gay in the 40s’ aspect, it’s just another ‘who dun it’ only with a gay twist. I think the added complications as a result of the detective being gay need to be exploited more, and the connection of the dangers from the case to the MC need to be clarified.
What if the story took place in 1937, a year before Hitler became Time Magazine’s man of the year, and the married gay lover was killed by American Nazi sympathizers?
The gay detective will have to go into the lion’s den in order to catch the killers and put them away.
“The imitation Game”, so much of the story revolves around Alan being gay. It drives his actions as well as opening him up for blackmail. Its not an audience device, it’s a character motivation.
I can see so much gold to mine here. When he wants to push on he gets asked “he was a fag, why do you care?”, then “why aren’t you married Jones?”
It’s not a tada, it’s a constant threat to the MC.
I think CraigDGriffiths makes an important point. ?His superiors and peers think it’s a routine case, expect him to wrap it up quickly after a pro forma inquiry because, as CraigDGriffiths says, the victim was “only a fag, why do you care?” ?But he won’t, he can’t for reasons he can’t confess to anyone.
And I always thought it would work better if they were still lovers, not ex-lovers. And both of them could be married, too.
Whatever. The appeal of the premise is that there is no lack of ingredients to stir into the plot.