A seemingly well adjusted 29 year old film maker is forced to face his own insecurities when forced to produce a movie on teenage female self esteem

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    Default Posted on August 2, 2015 in Public.
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      Hi. Not sure if we need to know he is 29 …? Would be good if we know what his flaw is (more detail than just insecure) and maybe mention his flaw instead of saying his “well adjusted”.
      Does he meet anyone in particular when making the movie? The story might sound more interesting if we know more detail about the movie… “a movie on teenage female self esteem” is a bit general / impersonal. cheers, Wayne

      Samurai Answered on August 2, 2015.
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        Raises too many questions without making anything clear. Why does he only seem to be well-adjusted? What are his insecurities? How can he be forced to make a movie? Why is the movie about such a topic?

        Mentor Answered on August 2, 2015.
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          I totally agree with the previous comments. To spot the movie structure’s problems, try to write the logline with the inciting event at the beginning and make clear what is the main character weakness ang goal.

          Mentor Answered on August 2, 2015.
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          I don’t mind the ‘seemingly well adjusted’ bit; it tells us that his beliefs are about to be challenged. But I agree there should be a particular young woman who challenges his beliefs. And, yes, have him producing a film, not being forced to produce one. He thought he had solid views on the topic, but he in fact has something to learn.

          Default Answered on August 2, 2015.
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            If possible you should try for a more proactive lead character in the logline.
            —–
            While making a documentary about teenage self esteem, a seemingly stable filmmaker is inspired to ask out his high school crush who he was too insecure to approach in High School.”
            —–
            Obviously your logline will be different, however I believe the lead; instead of ‘forced to face his insecurities’ should be ‘inspired to act’… (Do this thing that once scared him)
            Good luck, hope that helped.

            Singularity Answered on August 3, 2015.
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              As the others have said and Richiev’s suggested logline connects in a nice ironical way to the subject of the documentary.

              Singularity Answered on August 4, 2015.
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