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hobbesLogliner
A selfish drunkard is forced to run a startup and fight powerful government agencies after he inherits it from his righteous entrepreneur best friend who died mysteriously.
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savinh0
Some questions:
Richiev
Your story begins with a best friend who dies mysteriously, but you put that at the end of your logline.
You should start the logline with what sets the story in motion.
hobbes
Revision 1 (I am not sure if putting protagonist later is a good idea .. suggestions welcome)
A righteous entrepreneur dies mysteriously while batting autocratic leader politically; his self-centered drunkard best friend now has to run the startup he inherited and avenge his friend’s death.
Richiev
You should always think about writing the logline from the perspective of the lead character: for instance.
You write (Revision 1): A righteous entrepreneur dies mysteriously while battling autocratic leader…
From the lead character’s point of view: When his best friend is murdered while battling an autocratic leader…
dwon
When his tech genius best friend dies mysteriously, a Luddite wastrel must complete his invention while fighting off a brigade of spooks intent on capturing it.