A smooth talking, but psychologically damaged, criminal with face-blindness rips off a dangerous drug-lord with help from his tough-guy brother. When they are betrayed by their psychopathic accomplice, he must overcome his psychological challenges and track the psychopath through the underground world of experimental hallucinogenic psycho-therapy in order to retrieve the drugs and prevent his brother being murdered.

    FreeWill Penpusher Asked on March 13, 2018 in Noir.

    Sorry  – it’s clearly too long, but I couldn’t decide what element to cut…

    on March 13, 2018.

    This maybe too long which caused me to loose interest before I got half way through. Perhaps tightening it up a bit more would clarify your concept. Try again, I’d love to see what you come up with. Pstone

    on March 13, 2018.
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    7 Review(s)

      It’s an interesting character weakness (as distinct from a character flaw which is usually defined in terms of a moral failing or emotional wound);  it’s so unusual that I suggest the entire plot should focus and pivot on it. Just as in “Memento”, the plot focuses on and pivots on the protagonist’s loss of long-term memory storage.

      But, as Knightrider suggested,  I am not sure it does in this logline.  The concept is too cluttered.    It’s going to be challenging enough for a logline reader to swallow and digest the notion of face-blindness.  Don’t try to cram other things down our throat.  Simplify, simplify, simplify.  Less is more.

      For instance, in light of his cognitive impairment, the inciting incident could be he witnesses the death of his beloved brother at the hands of a villain — but he can’t identify the murderer’s face in a line up.  His objective goal is to ID the murderer in spite of his cognitive impairment and bring him to justice.

      fwiw

      dpg Singularity Reviewed on March 13, 2018.

      Thanks! You’re on it – the murder-witness-with-face-blindness angle was an early idea, but quickly discovered it has been done before.

      However, by relegating the face blindness to more of a side issue the concept gets very cluttered very quickly. I like the idea that the face blindness causes/represents a deeper moral flaw, e.g. misanthropy or callousness.

      on March 14, 2018.

      How about:

      “When a drug lord holds his brother to ransom over a stolen shipment, a callous criminal with face blindness enlists the aid of other people with rare neurological disorders to track down his psychopathic ex-accomplice and retrieve the drugs.”

      on March 14, 2018.
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        You’ve included a LOT of information here that probably can be whittled away. Keep your logline focussed; event, action, flawed character, antagonist, stakes (and if pertinent, deadline and irony).

        “When a drug lord holds his brother to ransom over a botched hand-off, a callous face-blind crook must track down his psychopathic ex-accomplice and return the money he has absconded with.”

        – It is unclear how the ‘psycho-therapy’ portion, though drug-related, is the world through which the protagonist must journey to catch the guy who has ripped him off?

        – Wouldn’t it work better if the protagonist doesn’t already know the guy who has ripped him off? Even with face-blindness … wouldn’t he have ways to identify people he actually knows?

        Nicholas Andrew Halls Samurai Reviewed on March 13, 2018.

        Hmmm…you’re right of course. The psycho-therapy portion is unnecessary, but hints at the tone (that is, dark humour – perhaps a bit like the Big Lebowski.) Probably unimportant.

        The protagonist is very isolated at the beginning of the story, and needs to form connections to replace the help his brother would usually provide. Although the original idea seemed centred on the creative ways someone could work around extreme face blindness, in the end I was finding it a little un-compelling trying to flesh out a story with – just a series of different sensory replacements. It remains a significant issue, but not central.

        The story is ultimately about the need to self examine and get help from other people in order to progress in life. The psycho-therapy through-line helps establish a range of other characters with similar neurological disorders which act as a metaphor for their characters growth-issues. This all may be non-essential, but it is an element of interest and fun within the story that in some ways seems more important to selling it than the ransom element.

        Your logline captures the surface story fine though – I like it a lot. Is it crazy to amend it a little to include the fun part??:

        “When a drug lord holds his brother to ransom over a stolen shipment, a face-blind misanthrope must enlist the aid of other people with rare neurological disorders to track down his psychopathic ex-accomplice and retrieve the drugs.”

        on March 13, 2018.
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          Hi, there is a lot of information in here and the face blindness doesn’t seem to play much into it. How might the blindness play into it or what is the metaphor that the blindness represents.

          Knightrider Mentor Reviewed on March 13, 2018.

          The face blindness is an obstacle in the story for the protagonist, particularly as his task is to track down a particular person and he has been deprived of his brothers help. On a metaphorical level, the face blindness is a literal indication of the characters flaw, that is two fold: 1) he doesn’t trust other people/views other people as interchangeable; 2) as he cannot even recognise his twin brother, he is also unable to self-examine in order to gain the insight necessary to improve his life.

          Thoughts?

          on March 13, 2018.
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            I would try to shorten this logline. I’ll give it a shot. See what you feel!

            “A smooth talking psychologically damaged criminal, with face-blindness and his brother rips off a drug-lord. They are betrayed by their psychopathic accomplice who must overcome his psychological challenges to find an experimental hallucinogenic psycho-therapy  and prevent the murder of his brother.”

            Pstone Penpusher Reviewed on March 13, 2018.
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