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antonio3Penpusher
Posted: November 18, 20212021-11-18T10:17:27+10:00 2021-11-18T10:17:27+10:00In: Coming of Age

A strawberry obsessed college student runs away to seek fame after suffering from physical and emotional abuse in 1960s San Diego.

Those Strawberry Nights

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    1. Philippe Le Miere Logliner
      2021-11-18T15:58:06+10:00Added an answer on November 18, 2021 at 3:58 pm

      “strawberry obsessed college student” = protagonist

      “traumatic childhood” = inciting incident

      “growing up” = goal

      “1960s San Diego” = setting

      Could be a good story sketch, but overall too vague.

      Lets start with the kooky ‘strawberry’ obsession. What underlying character flaw might this be revealing? Greed (over eating) or ambition (to be a strawberry farm). As it stands, this is more a distinguishing mark of character, rather than a character trait.

      traumatic childhood sounds nasty, but be specific. Head trauma, rape trauma, verbal abuse trauma … Sighting the source of trauma would reveal the drama’s villain too.

      Growing up is a good goal, but could it be more specific? Getting out of a bad relationship is specific, and maybe this story is about living with an abusive parent … just riffing here. The point is trauma must come from some where, causing character to do something, to attempt to be somewhere else
      – like wishing they were in the middle of a strawberry farm, eating an endless supply of strawberries.

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      • Odie Samurai
        2021-11-19T00:53:59+10:00Replied to answer on November 19, 2021 at 12:53 am

        Yes.

        OP – show don’t tell “finds herself in coming of age adventures of growing up”

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        • antonio3 Penpusher
          2021-11-19T01:40:56+10:00Replied to answer on November 19, 2021 at 1:40 am

          I revised it.

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          • Odie Samurai
            2021-11-20T01:12:42+10:00Replied to answer on November 20, 2021 at 1:12 am

            This is what I can glean:
            “A quirky [aka strawberry-obsessed] [midwestern] college student escapes her [misogynistic father] to chase fame and fortune during the 1960s San Diego [counterculture phenomenon]”

            Added a “California or bust”.
            Amp up her dilemma by changing “escapes” to something more complex concerning her abuser’s relationship.
            Took liberties with the type of abuse.
            No clue what her talents are e.g., singer – for color.
            Added a world builder.

            Hope you find this constructive, make this yours, keep going!

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