A struggling businessman has his world upended when a train explosion leaves him wounded in an untamed jungle. He'll have to survive the elements, the wildlife and a forgotten tribe if he ever wants to see his family again.

    Yashia Man

    Default Posted on January 6, 2015 in Public.
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    7 Review(s)

      I think you can sharpen it. Drag out some words to make it shorter. This will give it a greater feel of action. Make it more current “He will have to” can be “He has to”, which can give it a sense of immediacy.

      It is a good logline, I know what the movie is by what you have written.

      Singularity Answered on January 7, 2015.
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        What continent? South America, Africa?

        Singularity Answered on January 7, 2015.
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          Been thinking of doing this as a graphic novel-
          So the “people” won’t really be people…probably bears. I draw them pretty good.
          And the places will be fictional but heavily based on reality.

          The Protagonist is tasked with going to see an eclectic business client who has set up a mansion waaaaaaaaaay off the grid. And part of the travel to get there is a train over some Amazon like jungle.

          Default Answered on January 7, 2015.
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            “A struggling businessman has his world upended when a train explosion leaves him wounded in an untamed jungle. He’ll have to survive the elements, the wildlife and a forgotten tribe if he ever wants to see his family again.”
            —–
            A struggling businessman has his world upended– Cut this

            when a train explosion leaves him wounded in an untamed jungle- This should be your lead line.

            He’ll have to survive the elements, the wildlife– Cut this

            and a forgotten tribe if he ever wants to see his family again.–This is alright but should be changed.
            —–
            “When a train explosion leaves him wounded in the Amazon, an arrogant businessman must fight off a viscous tribe if he’s to escape the jungle and attend at his daughters graduation.”
            —–

            Hope that helped, good luck with this!

            Singularity Answered on January 7, 2015.
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              Maybe something along these lines.

              After an overseas business trip goes wrong, a struggling white collar worker finds himself wounded and stranded in an hostile African jungle and must get to the last train before the monsoon season hits.

              Penpusher Answered on January 7, 2015.
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                I really like those cuts, Richiev- I wouldn’t describe the antagonist as arrogant. He is weak though. The story is kind of a find your strength in your freedom story.
                And the tribe actually ends up helping him do this…

                When a train explosion leaves a craven urbanite wounded in the Amazon, he must find the strength to find his way back to civilization.

                Default Answered on January 8, 2015.
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                Here’s my ‘newbie’ first poke,

                Title: TAKEOVER TARGET

                After a plane crash in the amazon jungle, a corporate raider is captured by a primitive tribe and must help them defeat their rivals in order to stay alive and escape back to civilization.

                (34 words)

                Default Answered on January 20, 2015.
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