A timid taxi driver must foil a contract killer’s plan to kill five people in one night after being forced to transport him around L.A.
1] While ever mindful of the standard formulation, I’m not married to it. I opted to place the story hook first. There’s no mistaking the inciting incident even though it comes at the end of the sentence.
2] I read my loglines aloud to sense how they sound. It sounded better to lead off with the nature of his dramatic predicament, rather than the cause.
You raised an interesting point. Yes, it’s a great twist for Max, the taxi driver, to discover that Annie, the attorney he flirted with, is on the hit list.
With one exception, the general rule is that the logline focuses on events up to the transition into Act 2. That is, the events that can quickly hook an audience’s interest. In this age of multitasking minds, when people have so many options for entertainment so many distractions, I think it’s accurate to say that it’s more imperative than ever that a film quickly grab and hold attention. Before something else does.
The exception is that sometimes (space permitting) it’s good to include the MPR (Midpoint Reversal), when it entails a cool twist that “sweetens” the initial hook.
However, Max doesn’t discover Annie is on the hit list until 94 minutes into the film. That’s f-a-r too late to qualify as the MPR. Indeed, the discovery can be said to be the inciting incident of the last act.