A timid taxi driver must foil a contract killer’s plan to kill five people in one night after being forced to transport him around L.A.

    (25 words)

    Collateral
    (2004)

    Singularity Posted on September 17, 2019 in Action,   Drama,   Examples,   Thriller.
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    3 Review(s)

      1] While ever mindful of the standard formulation,  I’m not married to it.  I opted to place the story hook first.  There’s no mistaking the inciting incident even though it comes at the end of the sentence.

      2] I read my loglines aloud to sense how they sound.  It sounded better to lead off with the nature of  his dramatic predicament, rather than the cause.

      Singularity Answered on September 18, 2019.

      Great film, and the logline shows that potential yet doesn’t do the true story justice. A good example of how loglnes are in the real world.

       

      Any reason you didn’t include saving the woman he’s in love with? I guess it’s a late twist but it does add a lot of personal stakes to an otherwise arbitrary loglne.

      on September 18, 2019.
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        Sharp & straight to the point. Just one question: why did you choose not to begin with “After being forced to transport him? “

        Mentor Answered on September 18, 2019.
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          Paul Clarke:

          You raised an interesting point.  Yes, it’s a great twist for Max, the taxi driver, to discover that Annie, the attorney he flirted with, is on the hit list.

          But…

          With one exception, the general rule is that the logline focuses on events up to the transition into Act 2.  That is, the events that can quickly hook an audience’s interest.  In this age of multitasking minds, when people have so many options for entertainment so many distractions, I think it’s accurate to say that it’s more imperative than ever that a film quickly grab and hold attention.  Before something else does.

          The exception is that sometimes (space permitting) it’s good to include the MPR (Midpoint Reversal), when it entails  a cool twist that “sweetens” the initial hook.

          However, Max doesn’t discover Annie is on the hit list until 94 minutes into the film.  That’s f-a-r too late to qualify as the MPR.  Indeed, the discovery can be said to be the inciting incident of the last act.

          Singularity Answered on September 19, 2019.
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