A wheelchair bound girl and her friends fend off zombies, whilst visiting a cabin when she discovers her friends murdered them – and she was next.

    Penpusher Posted on November 9, 2019 in Horror.
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    8 Review(s)

      Hi Mike,

      It seems as though unlike most zombie flicks, in this one the zombies are the good guys/gals. Therefore, especially for this genre, you would need to clarify where the danger for our hero will come from.

      Who poses the greatest danger in this story? The college boys or the girl zombies?

       

      Singularity Answered on November 10, 2019.

      At first we think it’s the zombies but then we learn it’s the boys

      on November 10, 2019.

      Okay, so it’s the boys who are the big bad guys. With that in mind, what is the first incident that makes it clear to the hero that she is in danger from them?

      on November 11, 2019.
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        >>The girl discovers that her friends killed these women and that she was meant to be their next victim.

        I’m guesing this is the Big Reveal.  Notmally, a logline shouldn’t’ give away the Big Reveal.    However, if she discovers this no later than the midpoint, than it might be okay to include in the logline.  But including it creates this other problem: the logline sets her up as the main character — and then the Big Reveal leaves me with the impression that she is not in jeopardy.  She has nothing to worry about.  It’s the guys who are in mortal danger — and deservedly so.

        So where’s the suspense?  What should the audience be worrying about, fear might happen to her?  (It’s a horror flick: a stock feature of the genre is that the audience worries about the fate of the main character.)

        Singularity Answered on November 9, 2019.

        The girl discovers that her friends killed these women and that she was meant to be their next victim.

        I’m guesing this is the Big Reveal.  Notmally, a logline shouldn’t’ give away the Big Reveal.   

        I disagree with that. This is the twist/hook.

        We need that to get pulled in to reading this thing. It reverses a predictable situation and makes it unpredictable. I mean – what exactly is going to happen here? I want to know.

        I reckon the first act will be curiosity – we don’t know what will happen. If Michael sets this up really well – it can be very ominous. There can be a lot of foreshadowing of what will come later.

        That second act is all suspense – we now know what everyone’s goal is and we don’t know how they’ll go about doing it. That’s the suspense.

        For example…

        If a stranger knocks on someones door and plans to kill this person – it’s curiosity. We don’t know who this person is. We just know he’s acting strange and creepy.

        If we know this person is a murderer and knocks on someones door and plans to kill this person – we have suspense. 

        So yeah…

        Once we know these guys are murderers – there’s a huge amount of doubt for the heroine on what exactly she should be doing. Helping these guys. Getting out by herself? Perhaps she needs these guys to get out.

        (I keep thinking of “From Dusk Till Dawn”, she’ll team up with them for a little bit. Then perhaps I dunno – once the zombies are gone, she’ll have to fend off the murderers. She knows too much.)

        In conclusion, without the twist that they’re murderers, it’s just a normal horror film. With the twist – she is genuinely trapped. What the fuck is she gonna do? What’s her next move? I think she’ll have to think fast constantly and watch her back.

        Hmm – perhaps a few twists not in the logline could be a few of those guys are not murderers? Perhaps there’s at least one genuinely decent guy there who didn’t know about this murder thing.

        Perhaps he discovered early on and was playing it cool, hoping to thwart the latest murder. I dunno.

        Ha I’m just playing around here.

        But yeah – there is room for some kind of reversal during Plot Point 2.

        Always.

        on November 9, 2019.
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          Alas, I don’t see how Richiev’s revision solves the apparent problem of the emotional deceit/cheat.  The protagonist is usually  the character in whom the audience is most emotionally invested in,  the character in a horror genre whom the audience should worry most about.  Eventually the audience will find out that she was never in danger of being attacked and killed by the zombies, right? They were set up to worry about her for nothing.

          What jeopardy do the zombies pose for her?  What is her character flaw that the zombies are forcing her to confront?

          Singularity Answered on November 9, 2019.

          I can’t say what threat the zombies are to the lead character because I don’t know how Michael fine’s story goes

          I can only say if I were doing this story, The end would be, the lead character would lead the zombies (Perhaps even becoming a zombie) against the demons that the boys summon.

          I could see that the reason the boys were going to kill the lead character was as part of a dark ritual. (Sort of like on Buffy the Vampire Slayer) and the ritual gives the boys power and money in return for a human sacrifice.

          So the final battle would be between the boys and their demons and the lead character and the zombies. (With the lead character; realizing she can’t fight in a wheelchair, dies and becomes a zombie)

           

          on November 9, 2019.

          My idea/playing around/experimenting:

          I’d have a few of them murderers.

          This is revealed early on. And they’re the ones with the guns. They take the room hostage.

          We’ll have a few of them – who just didn’t know. And perhaps one who was planning to thwart this thing. (This guy can play along).

          Bad guy who turns out to be good can be a reversal later on. Anyways – this is when the female zombies come along. And these college kids all have to work together.

          (It is however – clear that once all zombies are dead. They’ll go back to what they were doing.)

          Our heroine will play it smart – she’ll use her intellect, her words and sheer wilfulness to stay on top of who to trust and what to do.

          Her battlefield and who the enemy is will be constantly changing.

          Again – just an idea.

          Michael – these are the images conjured up in my mind after reading your logline ha.

          Evil Dead II meets From Dusk Till Dawn ha.

          Cheers.

          on November 9, 2019.
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            Hi Mike

            I think it’s innate that these female zombies who were murdered are seeking revenge. I don’t think you need to mention it.

            The twist that our heroine was going to be murdered next works.

            You could potentially use the one above to write your thing.

            But you will need a leaner, tighter one to market it.

            A wheelchair bound student and her male friends fend off female zombies, whilst trapped in a cabin, but soon discovers her friends murdered them – and were planning to kill her next.

            (A variation of the other one I did ha.)

            That’s 30 words? I’ve kept in “male” and “female” for now. I’m not sure how much it’s needed.

            Mentor Answered on November 9, 2019.
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              Carved down even more…

              A wheelchair bound student and her friends fend off zombies, whilst trapped in a cabin, but soon discovers her friends murdered them – and she was next.

              Is that 26 words?

              Anyways – it’s a cool concept. Good luck with it!

              Mentor Answered on November 9, 2019.

              Yeah….I like that last one tdh…thanks! I agree, we can leave out the revenge part.

              I wanted the female wheelchair bound girl’s character flaw to be insecurity over her intelligence and of course physical ability due to her disability… but her strength is she is smarter than her guy friends! As the film progresses she pieces together that they are the bad guys and devises a plan to use them to her advantage to defeat the zombies but also to give them their just desserts at the end of it! As I see it, she remains human throughout.

              The real “horror”, as I see it, is that we can become the unwitting victims of the people we trust the most (in this case, her “guy” friends) and we can’t see our own dark fate coming and there’s no way out – we are overpowered. By the end though we learn to trust our own instincts and intelligence and through our intelligence we can overcome overwhelming odds.

              The big reveal though would be that these “nice guys” are really the killers. I was always told to include the main hook in the logline because that’s what shows the hook. To be true, the logline to Sixth Sense mentions that Bruce Willis’ character is a ghost. Just saying!

              on November 10, 2019.
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                Here is an attempt the uses dpg’s idea, that maybe the reader shouldn’t know the college boys are actually murderers and leave it as a big reveal for later.

                ————————————–

                “When she and her newfound college buddies are attacked by female zombies, a lonely wheelchair-bound student must find what caused the undead uprising, if she is to stop them and escape the isolated cabin in which they are staying.”

                Singularity Answered on November 9, 2019.
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                  Michael:

                  Please don’t post the same logline again… and again.

                  Singularity Answered on November 11, 2019.

                  It was a mistake the second time. How do I delete one?

                  on November 11, 2019.
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                    >>>To be true, the logline to Sixth Sense mentions that Bruce Willis’ character is a ghost.

                    The loglines I have seen for “The Sixth Sense say” say the psychologist is treating a troubled boy who sees ghosts.  I haven’t see one that gives away the Big Reveal that the protagonist is a ghost.  Not even the IMDB teaser is a spoiler giving away the Big Reveal.

                    At about what point in your plot (Midpoint? End of 2nd Act? Or…?) does she discover her “friends” murdered them – and she is next?

                    Singularity Answered 7 days ago.

                    I’m thinking at the end of the second act she puts it all together and outsmarted the boys in the third act.

                    4 days ago.
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