Logliner
Posted: 2018-06-23T07:49:18+10:00 In:

A young boy attempts to rise the ranks as a grandmaster chess player, but his goals are thrown off when his mentor intervenes out of jealousy.

A young boy attempts to rise the ranks as a grandmaster chess player, but his goals are thrown off when his mentor intervenes out of jealousy.
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    2 Reviews

    1. Uberwriter

      Turning it upside down to shout logline format —
      When a young chess player faces professional jealousy, he must ___(GOAL/ACTION)___ to rise as a grandmaster

      Edit for a more Cinematic working. Envy is relatable but common. Good Luck!!

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    2. Singularity

      As variable said.? To say that his “goals are thrown off”? is to portray him as weak and the victim of the mentor.? This logline conveys the impression that the mentor takes control of the driver’s seat and steers the plot. A protagonist must be protrayed as?proactive,? as someone who is in the driver’s seat of the plot? and never surrenders it no matter who opposes him or what the? major obstacle is .

      Also “thrown off” is weak and vague.? Be specific.? How does the mentor sabotage his career?

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