crushingstarLogliner Posted: October 8, 20192019-10-08T08:33:35+10:00 2019-10-08T08:33:35+10:00In: AdventureA young girl taken to an alternative world to be the starchild to save the world by putting on a ring called the starring given by God– ShareFacebook3 ReviewsVotedOldestRecentNeer Shelter 23 Loglines 2,805 Reviews 258 Best Reviews 55,445 Points View Profile Nir Shelter Singularity 2019-10-08T15:59:24+10:00Added an answer on October 8, 2019 at 3:59 pm The logline raises more questions than it answers; what is a Starchild? What does being a Starchild entail? How does being a Starchild make her capable of saving the world? What does she need to save the world from? Which God is this? Judeo-Christian? Pagan?No need to reply with answers to these questions, the point is that the premise and the characters described in the logline are not clear.If the inciting event is her being taken to another world, then the goal would be for her to get back home. However, if you want the goal to be saving the other world, then the inciting event should be putting the other world in danger. Seeing as it’s a different world, home to people she has never met, the question is how is that a personal stake for her?Otherwise, the wording is repetitive, and the descriptions are generic.0 Share ShareShare on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedInShare on WhatsAppRichiev 62 Loglines 3,399 Reviews 303 Best Reviews 81,540 Points View Profile Richiev Singularity 2019-10-08T18:55:20+10:00Added an answer on October 8, 2019 at 6:55 pm I think you should begin with the threat. You say the lead character must save the world, but from what…As in “When (This threat) arises to destroy the world a…0 Share ShareShare on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedInShare on WhatsAppScott Danzig 20 Loglines 89 Reviews 6 Best Reviews 2,039 Points View Profile Scott Danzig Samurai 2019-10-08T23:22:39+10:00Added an answer on October 8, 2019 at 11:22 pm You’re focusing too much on world-building and not enough on plot:Alternative world, fun.Starchild!? Ooooo.Good to know the ring is called the “starring”.Given by a god?? OMG! Not trying to make fun.? Just emphasizing what I’m noticing.? Sounds like a nice fantasy adventure.? But what is wrong with the world?? What’s so special about this girl, that she should be given this responsibility?0 Share ShareShare on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedInShare on WhatsAppYou must login to can add an answer. Username or email* Password* Remember Me! Forgot Password?