Also, the term ‘young man’ doesn’t tell us anything about the character of the lead other than, not a woman and not old.
Give us a one or two-word description and you will find it helps your logline. ——————————————— A conflicted seminary student must find a way to overcome his sex addiction if he is to fulfill his dream of becoming a preacher. —————————————— By changing the description from ‘young man’ to ‘conflicted seminary student’ it changes the entire dynamic of why the character must overcome their sex addiction. (Or their promiscuity)
So the question is, who is your character beyond, ‘young man’ and does ‘who he is’, help the reader understand why having a sex addiction might present a problem?
I agree with Mike, how will being promiscuous destroy the lead character, (getting a disease? Losing his girlfriend? Getting shot by an angry husband?)
So the question is, in what specific way will being promiscuous destroy the lead character? What will the lead character lose if he continues to be promiscuous? What does ‘destroys him’ look like on screen? What are the stakes?
It is compelling and specific stakes that will make the reader of your logline want to read the script.
To answer your first three questions, all of those things happen to him in the film. I have been told to get it concise and seems add all of those details will make it longer.
Destroys him how? How is he going to find the reason behind it? What, specifically, is he going to do? What happened to put him on this path? Who is the main character? “Young man” could be 18 could 28…
Simply finding the reason for his promiscuity doesn’t necessarily stop him being promiscuous and without knowing why his promiscuity is a problem, it’s difficult to know why we should care.
Richiev
Also, the term ‘young man’ doesn’t tell us anything about the character of the lead other than, not a woman and not old.
Give us a one or two-word description and you will find it helps your logline.
———————————————
A conflicted seminary student must find a way to overcome his sex addiction if he is to fulfill his dream of becoming a preacher.
——————————————
By changing the description from ‘young man’ to ‘conflicted seminary student’ it changes the entire dynamic of why the character must overcome their sex addiction. (Or their promiscuity)
So the question is, who is your character beyond, ‘young man’ and does ‘who he is’, help the reader understand why having a sex addiction might present a problem?
sabrown
I really like your example. lol thank you for the advice and I will work on improving it.
Richiev
I agree with Mike, how will being promiscuous destroy the lead character, (getting a disease? Losing his girlfriend? Getting shot by an angry husband?)
So the question is, in what specific way will being promiscuous destroy the lead character?
What will the lead character lose if he continues to be promiscuous?
What does ‘destroys him’ look like on screen?
What are the stakes?
It is compelling and specific stakes that will make the reader of your logline want to read the script.
sabrown
To answer your first three questions, all of those things happen to him in the film. I have been told to get it concise and seems add all of those details will make it longer.
Mike Pedley
Destroys him how? How is he going to find the reason behind it? What, specifically, is he going to do? What happened to put him on this path? Who is the main character? “Young man” could be 18 could 28…
Simply finding the reason for his promiscuity doesn’t necessarily stop him being promiscuous and without knowing why his promiscuity is a problem, it’s difficult to know why we should care.
Loglines thrive on specificity – so be specific.
sabrown
I guess because I have been told to pattern after Netflix loglines, I didn’t think of specificity. I’ve been told concise and to the point.