After a group of homeless friends moves into a train station to escape a shelter bully, its leader takes a stand to protect them and give them the best New Year.

    Penpusher Posted on August 15, 2018 in Drama.
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    4 Review(s)

      Protect them from who or what? Why is it important to have the ‘best’ new year?  What does the bully do to make them move from their current  location?  Does the bully pursue and try to have some of the comforts they’ve devised for themselves?  Is there a monster? That I would see.  Institutional/ Monster in the house.

      Penpusher Answered on August 15, 2018.
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        I think it’d be worth clarifying who the leader is. Is he the leader of the the station? The shelter? Or simply the leader of the group? Give him a characteristic too. Something that can hint at his journey perhaps or motivation.

        If they’ve escaped the shelter and are now at the station why do they still need protecting?

        As a general rule, the inciting incident should relate to the goal in some way e.g. shark kills tourist, men try to kill shark. With this inciting incident I would expect the group to get their revenge on the bully. There’s no point having the bully if he/she never gets their comeuppance. All the friends have a great new year but the bully gets away with it? What’s the message?

        I’m assuming you mean New Year’s celebration. As OlDustyDogg said, why is this important? Is this set in a city, town, village? That’s very important for the audience to imagine what the train station is like? Grand Central would be very different to Nowhere, Illinois.

        I like the concept. Think you just need to clarify a few things and tie it all together.

        Summitry Answered on August 15, 2018.
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          I like the first part, “After a group of homeless friends… escape a shelter bully”. It’s enticing.

          But after that, the second part seems unclear. What do they now need protecting from? What has the New Year got to do with their goals for safety?

          Samurai Answered on August 20, 2018.
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            When a shelter bully blackmails a recovering junkie, the leader of a small group of homeless takes a heroic stand to protect her.

            Penpusher Answered on August 26, 2018.
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