DarkthornLogliner Posted: September 25, 20152015-09-25T17:05:15+10:00 2015-09-25T17:05:15+10:00In: FamilyAfter a hundred years of toxic air and water, everyone is either death or blind… until Lacy and her twin brother Sam come along. After a hundred years of toxic air and water, everyone is either death or blind… until Lacy and her twin brother Sam come along. ShareFacebook1 ReviewVotedOldestRecentKarel Segers 38 Loglines 212 Reviews 7 Best Reviews 612 Points View Profile Karel Segers Logliner 2015-09-25T19:18:46+10:00Added an answer on September 25, 2015 at 7:18 pm Hey Darkthorn,Thanks for posting a few loglines. You’ve brought our numbers up, and you’ll soon be listed as a top logliner!Still, I would recommend reading the “Training” section. Your loglines consistently lack a critical element.The most important thing: they don’t give us any idea of what to expect in the story’s 2nd act. There is no clear goal.Also, make sure there always is a clear, personal – and preferably SINGLE – main character. ?Until you’re well-versed in story development, and have a few successful projects, it is probably best to focus on single-protagonist stories.I invite you to make an attempt to improve your loglines, and post the revised version in the comments. Please don’t re-publish any new versions. Always write them in the comments, as a reply to the user reviews. Thank you!Cheers,Karel0 Share ShareShare on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedInShare on WhatsAppYou must login to add an answer. Username or email* Password* Remember Me! Forgot Password?