After a lonely orphan discovers she belongs to an almost-extinct race that guards the source of all life, she must fight to protect mankind from the only other of her people, her parents killer.

    Penpusher Posted on May 1, 2019 in SciFi.
    Add Comment
    5 Review(s)

      There appears to be unrelated facts here.

      Lonely orphan. Source of life. Parent’s killer.

      There is no mechanism here. Just elements. We also need a goal and some obstacles. We don’t even know how this is going to play out.

      A woman is in a fight for her life with a member of her own ancient race who wants to destroy the very thing that allows life to exist.

      Summitry Answered on May 2, 2019.
      Add Comment

        Agree with the others. Since these elements have been done before, what sets this apart would come from the details. Next attempt, specify her race, the source, etc. Add the backdrop (where this is, when…)  to help with the mental picture,

        Mentor Answered on May 3, 2019.
        Add Comment

          I’m confused on one point: the almost extinct species guards the source of life, and yet the only ones left are killers? How about:

          When a lonely orphan discovers she belongs to an almost-extinct race, she must prevent those of her kind who remain from destroying humanity.

          Penpusher Answered on May 20, 2019.

          Yes, because the less people, more power to each one.

          https://drive.google.com/file/d/1ASGQML8GIQGI3MUHkLwFrhGlyi0bULMZ/view

          Full explanation starts at page 37, if you’re interested.

          on May 20, 2019.
          Add Comment

            I don’t think what sets the story in motion is the discovery that she belongs to the ancient race. What sets the story in motion would be the event that puts all humanity in danger.

            What does the ‘killer’ do at the beginning of the story that causes the lead to take action? How specifically do you show the danger to mankind on screen or at the least get across the danger to the reader?

            Singularity Answered on May 1, 2019.
            Add Comment

              I don’t really know how to critique. So I just find the meaning in what’s written as I understand it.

              An orphan finds that she belongs to a race of people who are nearly extinct.  In finding her place means ,she is now the guardian of humanity and must find the killer who also killed her parents.

              Penpusher Answered on May 1, 2019.
              Add Comment

              Your Review

              By posting your review, you agree to the privacy policy and terms of service.