Sign Up Sign Up

Captcha Click on image to update the captcha.

Have an account? Sign In Now

Sign In Sign In

Forgot Password?

If you'd like access, Sign Up Here

Forgot Password Forgot Password

Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.

Captcha Click on image to update the captcha.

Have an account? Sign In Now

Sorry, you do not have permission to ask a question, You must login to ask a question.

Forgot Password?

To see everything, Sign Up Here

Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.

Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.

Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.

Logline It! Logo Logline It! Logo
Sign InSign Up

Logline It!

Logline It! Navigation

  • Generator
  • Formula
  • Examples
  • Contact
  • News
Search
Post Your Logline

Mobile menu

Close
Post Your Logline
  • Signup
  • Generator
  • Formula
  • Examples
  • Contact
  • News
HallucigeniaPenpusher
Posted: September 17, 20222022-09-17T14:07:58+10:00 2022-09-17T14:07:58+10:00In: Drama

After a road accident, a young malcontent finds himself legally bound to the whims of a narcissistic billionaire who aims to break him as a person.

This is the first time I’m working from a logline to a script. Only the barest bones of the story are in place and I’m trying to keep it fluid. This is also the first thing I’m intentionally working outside of my wheelhouse (science fiction).

  • 0
  • 5 5 Reviews
  • 6 Views
  • 0 Followers
  • 0
Share
  • Facebook

    You must login to add an answer.

    Forgot Password?

    To see everything, Sign Up Here

    5 Reviews

    • Voted
    • Oldest
    • Recent
    1. BenGilani Logliner
      2022-09-17T23:04:23+10:00Added an answer on September 17, 2022 at 11:04 pm

      Hi Hallucigenia,

      How about this?

      “A rebellious young man finds himself legally bound to the whims of an egoistic billionaire who is out to make a point of breaking him.”

      I hope this helps

      Good Luck

      • 0
      • Share
        Share
        • Share on Facebook
        • Share on Twitter
        • Share on LinkedIn
        • Share on WhatsApp
      • Hallucigenia Penpusher
        2022-09-18T10:53:40+10:00Replied to answer on September 18, 2022 at 10:53 am

        After causing an accident, a poor young man finds himself bound to the increasingly chaotic whims of a bored billionaire.

        I think emphasizing the accident (the incident) puts more stress (in both senses) on the nature of their relationship. Also, I’m finding narcissistic to not convey as much info. To an extent I think we expect billionaires to be narcissistic. Bored carries the billionaire into potentially darker territory.
        I don’t like rebellious. It feels like I’ve seen that guy and that sends the story into semi-predictable areas. If this were a comedy, sure, but I’ve got a Cheap Thrills / Cape Fear vibe that I can’t shake. I don’t like “poor young man” for the same reason. Malcontent still feels right. This is the downside to working from logline to script.

        Below is a reverse logline from the billionaire’s POV. I don’t know if it’s any better, but pushes towards the (shock?) ending.

        After a directionless young man enters his life, a bored billionaire discovers a dark pleasure that threatens their lives and sanity.

        • 0
        • Share
          Share
          • Share on Facebook
          • Share on Twitter
          • Share on LinkedIn
          • Share on WhatsApp
        • BenGilani Logliner
          2022-09-18T16:03:18+10:00Replied to answer on September 18, 2022 at 4:03 pm

          Hi Hallucigenia,
          I guess I know where you are going with this and I like the story (if it is what I think it is). In the end, this is your story and all proposed loglines are and will be based on your original logline. You know better what you’ll be writing. I personally have two issues with your reverse logline from the billionaire’s POV.

          1- The term “directionless”
          and
          2- The structure of the sentence.

          How does this sound to you?

          “A Miserable young man enters a bored billionaire’s life whose dark fantasies can cost their lives and sanity.”

          I hope this helps
          Good Luck

          • 0
          • Share
            Share
            • Share on Facebook
            • Share on Twitter
            • Share on LinkedIn
            • Share on WhatsApp
          • Hallucigenia Penpusher
            2022-09-18T18:50:18+10:00Replied to answer on September 18, 2022 at 6:50 pm

            That’s great. That definitely pushes hard towards an ending. I really like it.

            • 0
            • Share
              Share
              • Share on Facebook
              • Share on Twitter
              • Share on LinkedIn
              • Share on WhatsApp
            • BenGilani Logliner
              2022-09-18T18:55:20+10:00Replied to answer on September 18, 2022 at 6:55 pm

              Glad you do my friend.

              • 0
              • Share
                Share
                • Share on Facebook
                • Share on Twitter
                • Share on LinkedIn
                • Share on WhatsApp

    Sidebar

    Stats

    • Loglines 7,827
    • Reviews 32,007
    • Best Reviews 625
    • Users 4,088

    Adv 120×600

    aalan

    Explore

    • Signup

    Footer

    © 2022 Karel Segers. All Rights Reserved
    With Love from Immersion Screenwriting.