After an organic supercomputer goes haywire and hijacks all of the world’s computer systems, its scientist creator must stop the crazed machine before it kills him.

    A screenplay I’m currently working on.

    Default Posted on April 24, 2012 in Public.
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    6 Review(s)

      Really like it. It’s simple, to the point. I can see the entire movie unfold before my eyes. And it is a movie I’d like to watch.

      To go the extra distance, your next step would be to give the scientist a better description. Well any description. Something that makes the story memorable and more interesting. What is it about this scientist that makes us care?

      Samurai Answered on April 25, 2012.
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        I agree with Paul, great logline, and yes a better description of the Scientist would enhance it better. Is he a deranged Scientist wit a God complex….

        Default Answered on April 25, 2012.
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          Great! This is indeed a setup for a suspenseful, entertaining ride.

          Only… It’s a whole movie worth of “HAL9000”!

          How can you make this unique?

          UDW above is right in asking for a more detailed description of the scientist. What is his flaw that put him in this situation? He may have to overcome this in order to stop the computer. So, give us an Inner Journey.

          And HOW precisely would he be killed by the computer? Can you give this away? It would further visualize the potential of the movie.

          Finally, the computer is ‘faceless’ in this logline. Is there a human antagonist? Any other characters? In this logline the world feels empty… Surely there must be other people in jeopardy, whom our scientist must save before he saves his own life??

          It’s a great logline – but I believe there is material in your story that you can bring into this, to further entice us!

          Default Answered on April 25, 2012.
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            I like the log line and see how it would be suspenseful, but I’m not sure what an organic computer is?

            Default Answered on April 26, 2012.
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              I don’t know if it’s necessary to say ‘scientist creator’, since the creator is obviously the creator of the computer system…
              My own opinion if I was reading the back of a video though and trying to decide whether or not to get it, is if the world or some big disaster was at risk, not just the life of the person who created this mess ;). My two cents anyway but it does sound like an interesting premise.

              Default Answered on April 26, 2012.
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                Will the supercomputer only kill its creator? As that is what it sounds like.

                Apart from the word organic, it sounds similar to Terminator. Without altering the script itself, could the logline be rewritten to make it sound brand new?

                Default Answered on May 27, 2012.
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