After being beating up because of his lack of social skills, a college student with Asperger’s syndrome decides to shoot his classmates and professor.

    Samurai Posted on January 14, 2020 in Drama.
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    4 Review(s)

      By doing what? Give us more specifics. The Act I climax is probably the point he decides to get his revenge and begins to put his plan into motion. In this case there is still the whole of Act II that the reader needs to have some idea what’s happening. Act II takes up the bulk of the plot so tell us specifically what this college student is going to do.

      “College student” as a protagonist is very vague and a problem that’s been flagged up in other loglines. Give us more information about him. Tell us something interesting that relates to the story in some way.

      What happens if he doesn’t get revenge?

      Singularity Answered on January 14, 2020.
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        1) He was beaten up.

        2) He wants to kill his classmates with a gun.

        Samurai Answered on January 15, 2020.

        That’s a bit harsh.

        Is there a more comparable form of revenge to getting beaten up you could use?

        on January 15, 2020.

        What do you mean?

        on January 15, 2020.

        Killing his class mates and teacher with a gun is a very extreme reaction for him to take. Don’t forget, this guy is our protagonist. How is the audience going to empathise with a kid who plans to kill his class mates with a gun?

        on January 15, 2020.

        He wants to plan in on shooting at his school.

        on January 17, 2020.

        Again, why will the audience empathise with a kid who wants to do such an abhorrent thing?

        on January 17, 2020.

        Do you want me to change it?

        on January 19, 2020.
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          I have to agree, some specifics would be helpful to flesh this logline out.

          First: How is the lead bullied? Is he given a wedgie? Beaten up? Did he have his clothes stolen while taking a shower at gym class? What is the specific event that sets off the lead character?

          Second: And the term, revenge is vague as well. Does he put laxatives in the school lunch? Does he hack the school computer and give them all F’s, Does he burn down the school?

          In other words, depending on the type of revenge, (Funny, mean, poetic justice etc.)  this could be “Revenge of the Nerds” or it could be “The Basketball Diaries” And that is a pretty big swing of styles.

           

          Singularity Answered on January 14, 2020.
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            New version…. The End.

             

            Singularity Answered on January 15, 2020.
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