guswakeyLogliner Posted: January 7, 20202020-01-07T07:18:49+10:00 2020-01-07T07:18:49+10:00In: DramaAfter discovering he has a son, an exiled gangster must confront his vengeful ex partner in crime, in order to save the family he abandoned.– ShareFacebook2 ReviewsVotedOldestRecentMike Pedley United Kingdom (UK) 67 Loglines 651 Reviews 102 Best Reviews 51,084 Points View Profile Mike Pedley Singularity 2020-01-07T22:16:01+10:00Added an answer on January 7, 2020 at 10:16 pm To me, the inciting incident is not the discovery he has a son but the discovery that his vengeful partner is after his family. That’s what sets up the goal of saving them. The discovery of the son is actually irrelevant as it stands. However, if the vengeful ex-partner kidnapped the son he didn’t know he had it would tie in more. The fact he didn’t know he had a son though is still somewhat superfluous. It doesn’t change the desire to save him.Exiled? Exiled from what? The gang? The country?Why is the ex-partner after him? If he’s kicked him out of the gang why punish him further?What’s the protagonist’s arc?Definitely think there’s potential, I think we just need a bit more info and all the details to mesh together.Hope this helps.0 Share ShareShare on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedInShare on WhatsAppTrix 4 Loglines 68 Reviews 13 Best Reviews 2,991 Points View Profile Trix Samurai 2020-01-07T22:25:06+10:00Added an answer on January 7, 2020 at 10:25 pm I think the premise could be an intriguing one… but I think it’s vague at the moment as to what’s happening and why:How did he discover he has a son? ? Is the peril because the ex-partner has discovered he has a son?Why is he exiled?Is he saving the son or the abandoned family (or both)? ?If he abandoned the family previously, why is he bothered about them – or has the son given him a new viewpoint?0 Share ShareShare on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedInShare on WhatsAppYou must login to add an answer. Username or email* Password* Remember Me! Forgot Password?