After discovering his travelling companion has a bag of cash a man starts a conversation hoping to blackmail him. When that fails he threatens violence that escalates into murder.
@Richiev traditionally the main character is the person with most screen time. But with only two characters on a deserted road, they’ll both be in all shots, so two main characters.
The idea is that both characters have reasons to hate them and reasons to like them. The audience is challenged to make a decision. People can handle complex films. Every time one is a success people are amazed and then go back to boring formula.
He wants to do his job as well as stop his offsides from telling people his secret. The conflict comes from discovery during the story.
He is a different person than the person he was when he did the bad thing in his past. So he wants to keep that in his past.
Describe the men. Add the details from the discussion.
If the blackmailer is angry about the past, why doesn’t he start with murder? How exactly does he blackmail the other?
>> both characters have reasons to hate them and reasons to like them.
This should be apparent in the logline.
What’s the purpose of this being 1980?
Something like, “After their car breaks down on the way to delivering a bag of cash to their union bosses, two family men- one…”
Next logline attempt, try for more of an A Story than the two talking. Or add details to help us imagine lengthy dialogues because even the responses make it seem like they only have one thing to talk about. It seems better if the car does not break down early on…a road trip (doesn’t have to be far) with obstacles, opportunities, and variety along the way.
What are they waiting for? I thought they’re talking and walking along the way? How can they be so far from help? If you don’t do this yourself, consider setting it in today’s world and figure out another solution to the help part. Even for yourself, are the extra challenges worth it? Would 1980 help or hurt the marketing of a movie that lacks a substantial reason for being set in 1980?
As for helping, I said that because of experience where most writers working on a logline for marketing- after the script is complete- are much less able to see room for improving the story. Plus, with all the loglines here and free time being limited…