After falling in debt to a crime family, a cocky mechanic is forced to strip stolen cars for an auto-garage, but when his love interest is killed in a hit-and-run caused by the family’s erratic nephew, he turns the family against itself to seek vengeance and escape the debt.

    Samurai Posted on February 28, 2019 in Crime.
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    2 Review(s)

      The most interesting part of this logline is the protagonist’s plan to seek vengeance by turning the family against itself. I absolutely love that. Because of this, get rid of the debt subplot – it’s unnecessary and not as interesting.

      Penpusher Answered on February 28, 2019.

      Thanks for the feedback. The falling into debt part is the inciting incident and without it there’s no context for the events that proceed. The debt is what locks the character into their situation and stifles their freedom to act within the law. He must take things into his own things unless he wants to be a debt slave forever, and also gain the freedom to seek justice on the dead love interest (he can’t do that while stricken with the family’s debt and their surveillance of him).

      on March 2, 2019.
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        Great start. I like revenge stories and especially when there’s something fresh about them.

        >>a cocky mechanic

        What’s the intent behind cocky? A guy taking revenge indirectly doesn’t sound cocky and he doesn’t feel so ironic in that predicament. With the predicament he’s in and the indirect plan, a significant flaw doesn’t even feel necessary. Was it considered to go with a trait or talent that would shed light on how he would turn the family against itself? In other words, to differentiate this more from the first Punisher movie.

        >>After falling in debt to a crime family,
        >>is forced to strip stolen cars for an auto-garage,

        These can be combined and shortened since the real hook starts when the love interest is killed.

        >>to seek vengeance and escape the debt.

        Escaping the debt is understood with the vengeance.

        Does it pay specifying the main antag?

        My two cents.

        Mentor Answered on March 1, 2019.

        Hi Rob,
        I know what you mean about the cocky part, in my outline a big chunk of the film is really about the main character who is a loud and popular type, and the villain is the same but has that extra sociopathic charisma. I chose cocky because it’s short, simple and tangible. It may change.

        The love interest being killed is the midpoint, which is more dramatic than the falling into debt part (you’re right) – as it should be, to keep the audience stimulated for the second half.
        Thanks.

        on March 2, 2019.
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