After he finds out the mysterious woman he spent the night with is his fiancee’s stepmother, a troubled playboy must navigate a weekend retreat filled with sexual tension and jealousy.

    Mentor Posted on September 11, 2019 in Romance.
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    7 Review(s)

      As mentioned elsewhere, knowing the genre would clarify the tone. It sounds like a comedy to me, but they could turn on him and things could get deadly if it’s a thriller.

       

      I also would like some indication of the timeline as a weekend away is hardly high stakes. If this was just prior to the wedding then we would know things could explode with greater consequences, and a ticking clock that makes his redemption/arc more immediate.

       

      Otherwise the problem is we have an unlikeable, unsympathetic character as the lead, surrounded by many other characters who we also don’t care about, on a weekend away, which we definitely don’t care about – and so no reason to watch. So it’s missing that external story element that brings them together and forces them to work out their issues. In this version they just go their own way and we wouldn’t care.

      Samurai Answered on September 12, 2019.
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        Longer version: After he finds out the mysterious woman he spent the night with is his fiancee’s stepmother and an old friend’s wife, a troubled playboy must navigate a weekend retreat filled with sexual tension and jealousy.

         

         

        Mentor Answered on September 11, 2019.
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          This is better

          Singularity Answered on September 11, 2019.

          Thank you.

          on September 12, 2019.
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            What genre are you going for here? I know it’s in the romance category but there is definitely potential for this to fit in a number of genres!

            Penpusher Answered on September 12, 2019.
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              Hi guys.

              It should be in the vein of LA PISCINE (1969) and BONJOUR TRISTESSE (1958).
              Both French romantic dramas. The first one is more a psychological thriller or existentialist thriller. To me – they’re both Mediterranean/holiday films where the setting is a character and a selling point.

              These are influences. Right now – it’s more of a romantic drama. There’s a bit of LOLITA (1997) and WHOSE AFRAID OF VIRGINIA WOOLF (1966) in there as well. Again – these are influences.

              I’m still working on the logline/synopsis – so go easy on me ha.

              Cheers.

              Mentor Answered on September 12, 2019.
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                “Stepmother” is lowering the stakes. Yes, a stepmother can be very close and beloved, but why choose using a “stepmother” in the story over a “mother?” Wouldn’t making her of the same blood add to the conflict? Just a thought.

                So, you have:

                EVENT: the discovery that he has had a one-night stand with his fiancée’s (step)mother.

                CHARACTER: a troubled playboy. I object to the word “troubled” because it is too general. Find something more specific. What is wrong with him? Does he not want to get married? Is he a pyromaniac? Is he closeted gay? Is he a serial killer? Is he a superhero? Be specific when hinting what troubles him.

                ACTION: here is the big problem. You blur the waters completely as to what he is supposed to be doing for the whole movie. You say: must navigate a weekend retreat filled with sexual tension and jealousy. Huh? So what? “Navigate?” A retreat “filled with this or that?” Even if the retreat is filled with anything, why would it be about him? Who takes part in the retreat? What is there to win or lose?

                What is the story about?

                Mentor Answered on September 13, 2019.
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                  “Stepmother” because the daughter is trying/plotting to get rid of her – like Bonjour Tristesse.
                  She has a near-incestuous relationship with the father and is with our playboy to antagonise him.
                  The father is an old friend and rival of the playboy – and they have a shared deep dark secret that could destroy them both in the eyes of those who love them. There’s plenty of conflict there.

                  (The father still believes the playboy is responsible for the death of a former girlfriend. However – the secret within the secret – is that it’s the father’s neglect and irresponsibility that led to her suicide. I think this is interesting because of the main tragedy/fireworks has already happened and only now are they dealing with this trauma that’s rippled back to them.)

                  Troubled – Um. I’m still working on whether he’s an alcoholic. He’s definetly a commitment-phobe. Like “La Dolce Vita”, he’s disillusioned by his hedonistic pursuits and searching for something deeper. He believes he’ll find it in the daughter – who he idealizes and puts on a pedastal. It’s only later does he realize her agenda (she’s using him and manipulating him to toy with her father). His arc: he’s a scoundrel who longs to be decent and honourable.

                  You say: must navigate a weekend retreat filled with sexual tension and jealousy.
                  Well there’s quite a bit happening.

                  You’ve got this playboy steadily falling in love with fiance’s stepmother.

                  This whole time he thought he was in love with this nubile young thing – who is actually using him to antagonize the father. More than anything, she wants to get rid of the stepmother who she resents.
                  The father is forced to entertain this old friend who he deeply dislikes – and is somewhat territorial and “jealous” of this former rival stealing his daughter.

                  The stepmother, trapped in a loveless marriage, steadily begins to open her closed door and be vulnerable.

                  But – it’s all the under the surface. I want to keep up the sexual tension and jealousy and mindgames until the third act where there’s this emotional bloodbath and everything is laid out on the table.

                  A real climax.

                  Anyways – cheers for reading. I’ll keep working on this.

                  Mentor Answered on September 13, 2019.
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