After he’s fired for accidentally killing a noble hero, and thus taking away honor from his evil warlord boss, a disgraced henchman is forced to become the champion of a local village in order to overthrow the tyranny of his former master.”

    Singularity Posted on March 11, 2019 in Comedy.
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    6 Review(s)

      I don’t know in what time and place this is set, but it sort of gives me a vibe of classical Westerns, like A Fistful of Dollars, and the Magnificent Seven (Both of which were based on Akira Kurosawa’s samurai movies, though.)

      Samurai Answered on March 11, 2019.

      Thanks, Good point.

      This has to do with Martial arts films. In the martial arts film, the bad guy has hundreds of minions that surround the hero and attack one by one. The hero mops the flow with them.

      This is the story of one of the minions. But he accidentally kills the hero instead of losing.
      This causes the evil warlord to lose honor and risk being kicked out of the evil warlords guild. So the minion gets fired.
      The minion has nowhere to go and gets captured by the very town that the warlord is oppressing.

      When the town discovers he is the one who killed their hero, they tell him. Since you killed our hero now you must be the one to face the warlord.
      The lead character has no idea how to be a hero, he’s been bad his whole life. but he is trained by the village elder and falls for the elder’s beautiful granddaughter.
      The catch is the beautiful granddaughter was in love with the very hero he killed.
      So he vows to take down the warlord in order to win her love.
      The story ends with the epic battle between the minion turned hero and the warlord.

      on March 11, 2019.
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        Really like the sound of this. The only things I’d say from a logline perspective is that it’s a little long but I fully appreciate the need for all that info in the inciting incident.

        From a story perspective, why is he “forced” to do something? Protagonist – proactive and all that. Can he not voluntarily take up the mantle because he wants to show his former boss that he’s more than just a henchman? Externally he wants revenge, internally he just discovers that he just wants to be a good guy.

        I think Adam makes a valid point. It might be worth clarifying a setting – in my head it’s a fantasy version of the Middle Ages – knights, damsels in distress, dragons, magic. Kinda Shrekian I guess haha.

        Summitry Answered on March 11, 2019.
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          Some interesting elements, but it does make me scratch my head. You’ve unintentionally, I think, made the bad guy the good guy, and the good guy the bad guy. The “evil warlord” fired his henchman on justifiable grounds, making him the good guy here, so overthrowing him for his “tyranny” (which is not evident) just makes the henchman a disgruntled employee out for revenge. It doesn’t make him a “champion” for some poor village.

          As your logline stands, I’m rooting for the evil warlord, which means the logline is really from the antagonist’s POV…which is confusing.

          Logliner Answered on March 12, 2019.

          Good point, however, the longer version of the story is this.
          The lead character is late; one of his rival minions hid his nunchucks.
          As he is racing to get into place to attack the hero with his fellow minions, He trips, runs headlong into the hero and they both fall over a cliff.

          At the last minion, his friends catch his feet and the lead actually tries to save the hero’s life.
          But the grip of the lead character and the hero slips and the hero falls to his death.

          I simply shorten this sequence to ‘accidentally killing a noble hero‘.

          on March 12, 2019.
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            Title: Minion

            Singularity Answered on March 11, 2019.
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              I like the premise that an accidental villain must become an intentional hero. But:

              >>When the town discovers he is the one who killed their hero, they tell him.

              Isn’t that the inciting incident, the “Call to Heroic Action”? Isn’t the accident a setup for the inciting incident?

              Singularity Answered on March 19, 2019.
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                There’s confusion in the premise, leading to unsure expectations for the audience. It seems like an evil warlord wouldn’t care if his henchman kills a noble hero–that’s why he’s evil, right?

                Then there’s the passivity of the protagonist. He’s forced to do something based on something else, rather than his own internal decision.

                 

                Penpusher Answered on April 29, 2019.
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