After his vengeful ex-partner in crime recruits his son for a dangerous heist, a reclusive fugitive must come out of hiding and take his place in order to save him.

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    Penpusher Posted on January 15, 2020 in Drama.
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      It’s not bad as is.  It reminds me of “Gone in 60 Seconds”, except it’s a brother-for-brother substitution (as opposed to father-for-son).  Here’s the logline for Gone:

      A retired car thief must return to his former life of crime in order to save his younger brother’s life. He now has four days to gather a team of boosters and steal 50 cars before it’s too late.

      Maybe you can give a little more detail; maybe it’ll help to follow the Gone logline structure.

      Keep up the good work!

       

      Penpusher Answered on January 15, 2020.

      Thank you for your comment! I have been struggling with figuring out what will sustain the story…

       

      on January 15, 2020.
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        I think the story can be sustained by just padding out a little of the logline. Maybe the fugitive discovers that his ex-partner was using the son as a pawn to draw the fugitive out because he needs the best in the business? Or maybe he’s drawing him out to get his revenge? I reckon if you added a really interesting MPR that gives us a clue to the real motives of this ex-partner, you will easily sustain this idea.

        I would frame the inciting incident from the protagonist’s point of view. “When he discovers his vengeful ex-partner has recruited his son…”

         

        Singularity Answered on January 15, 2020.
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