Samurai
Posted: 2014-01-08T15:33:08+10:00 In:

After inheriting his Uncles’s dairy farm in remote Chechnya, a Harvard Business School drop-out finds himself at war with the Chechen Mafia over his Uncle’s backdoor drugs and prostitution racket .?

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    6 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      Thanks 🙂

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    2. Samurai

      Thanks Richiev — nice streamlining.

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    3. Singularity

      I don’t think you need to tell us he inherited from his uncle in the logline, just that he inherited it.

      You can cut “Living there” as well, it’s just important that the women are in danger.

      Here is a go using your logline as a base.
      —–
      “After discovering the farm he?s inherited is a front for prostitution, a smooth talking Harvard drop-out must protect the women from a greedy Chechen Mafia.”
      —–
      Hope that helped, good luck with this!

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    4. Samurai

      Thanks for the feedback dpg.

      I was thinking of a coming-of-age/ educational plot etc… Dark comedy moving into the more dramatic as things progress… This was why I’ve had him a failed Business Student — at first the inheritance is seen as a windfall, then as a “WTF have I got myself into?” upon the discovery of the prostitutes etc, then he thinks he can succeed as, for want of a better word, Pimp, and then the Chechen’s et’all come knocking (I too foresaw the involvement Russian gov/ Muslim Extremists… but for the sake of simplicity just narrowed it to Chechen Mob — but maybe you’re right that it would give it more sizzle…)… Which would move to him just wanting to save the woman on the farm (maybe if he’s a bit of a womanizer back in Boston..?).

      Just fwiw etc… As per usual I threw this up very quickly — straight from a dream I had where I found myself in this scenario, but as a much younger me, and Billy Bob Thornton was my dodgy uncle (?!) on the farm (an idea I have had is that the Uncle is not in fact dead, but plays the part of his assistant upon the protag’s arrival..) this is one reason why I specified the location as being a farm… The remoteness and isolation I thought would add to the protag’s dilemma…

      Anyways — much appreciated feedback from you as per usual — hope your own efforts are going well.

      Regards.

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    5. Singularity

      My tweak, fwiw:

      When a Harvard MBA discovers the business he has inherited in Chechnya is a front for prostitution and drugs, he becomes trapped in the cross-fire of a covetous Chechen Mafia, a corrupt Russian administration and Moslem nationalist terrorists.

      Why not a gold-plated graduate — wouldn’t it add greater irony and contrast to the predicament he finds himself in?

      Business: could be a farm. For the purposes of the logline, does it matter what the business is?

      Yeah, it’s more complex, but then the situation in Chechnya is one hell of a mess.

      And it’s longer and it doesn’t conform to the logline boilerplate. But I think there are times when an idea is so high concept or so crazy-great that it doesn’t have to abide by the rules to grab attention and whet interest. Which is the whole purpose of a logline: sell the sizzle. This idea isn’t high concept in the sense that it can be stated in a few words, but I can hear and smell the sizzle; it grabs my attention, evokes all kinds of dramatic possibilities.

      (What genre do you have in mind? Drama? Dark comedy?)

      This is a story I want to see on the silver screen. Best wishes.

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    6. Samurai

      An alternate, longer, but more to the crux of the story version:

      After discovering the farm he’s inherited from his Uncle is a front for a prostitution ring, a Harvard Business School drop-out must protect the group of prostitutes living there from a covetous Chechen Mafia.

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