After living as a hermit for many years, Lyn rediscover the world through the delivery of a mysterious object. He wonders why he is pushing this huge box. When he needs to understand what pushes him.
Several technical errors: Your log line should never exceed one sentence unless the film plot is truly super complex. You should not include your main characters name, instead describe them. Your logline should follow a specific formula that encapsulates your plot.
But furthermore, despite all that your logline doesn’t really make any sense. The first sentence is an okay first half of a logline, you’ve set up the character and the instigating event. But then he wonders why he is pushing this huge box? What? Does pushing mean selling here? Or physically pushing it? And then he needs to understand what pushes him? I assume you mean, like, what is his driving force, or what does he live for, but that’s not communicated. Take out Lynn’s name and take out those second two sentences and instead fill the second half with the literal plot of your story.
For example, After living alone for many years, a hermit is delivered a mysterious object and embarks on a quest to discover who sent it to him. I’m guessing that’s not your plot, but you see what I mean? That’s an example of describing the main plot within your film.
I agree mostly with Aidan except for the example logline they wrote.
As per the formula, you start with the inciting incident. “After discovering a mysterious object…” etc.
The other question is why? What is at stake? What pushes your main character to go on this journey and push this huge box?