Neil NicolPenpusher Asked: December 21, 20202020-12-21T06:28:39+10:00 2020-12-21T06:28:39+10:00In: DramaAfter his wealthy wife dies, a reclusive and callous high school teacher wants to honour her dream of becoming a concert pianist.N/A ShareFacebook2 ReviewsVotedOldestRecentKarel Segers 8 Loglines 73 Reviews 11 Best Reviews 2,620 Points View Profile Karel Segers Samurai 2020-12-21T12:02:24+10:00Added an answer on December 21, 2020 at 12:02 pm The story has a decent EVENT (‘the death of his wife’), and we understand that this can motivate change in a character’s life, as well as inspire them to act.The character is interesting, in that he is reclusive and callous (mind the capitalisation error).However, ‘decides’ is not an exciting action for a screen story. We need to be able to visualise the action from the logline.‘To become a concert pianist’ doesn’t excite me either. This does not promise a movie that is worth watching.You may have the beginning and the end to a story, but the middle is what you need to entertain an audience with. There needs to be struggle, determination, and incredible odds. We need to be able to anticipate tension, and be compelled to take the POV of the character.At this point, the logline is not inspiring this (yet).1 Share ShareShare on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedInShare on WhatsAppNeil Nicol 1 Logline 1 Review 0 Best Reviews 20 Points View Profile Neil Nicol Penpusher 2021-01-03T08:48:14+10:00Replied to answer on January 3, 2021 at 8:48 am After the death of his wealthy wife dies, a Reclusive and Callous High school teacher sets out to win a famous Concert Piano CompetitionI’ve added ‘sets out’ and changed ‘become a concert pianist’ to win a Famous Piano Competition’ to make it a little more compellingDoes this work better?0 Share ShareShare on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedInShare on WhatsAppYou must login to add an answer. Username or email* Password* Remember Me! Forgot Password?