IvyEight6Penpusher Posted: August 28, 20202020-08-28T23:34:21+10:00 2020-08-28T23:34:21+10:00In: CrimeAfter their father was murdered, a gambler and his sister team up to take down a drug lord in their own hands in order for them to pay for their mother’s cancer treatment.A Village Called Gravity ShareFacebook2 ReviewsVotedOldestRecentmrliteral 0 Loglines 149 Reviews 10 Best Reviews 2,639 Points View Profile mrliteral Samurai 2020-08-29T10:08:46+10:00Added an answer on August 29, 2020 at 10:08 am If the drug lord murdered the father there’s no mention of it here; it’s unrelated to the main focus of the story. You could just remove that part (plus “in their own hands” because what does that even mean) and it would make perfect sense, plus be stronger and more clear.Don’t tell us more than we need to know, just give us one quick sentence that sums up the protagonist, antagonist, conflict, and stakes. You have all four elements and they are mostly clear, once the extraneous details are excised.It also means something different to say “take down” vs “steal from” in regards to the drug dealer; dismantling someone else’s business doesn’t magically cover one’s medical bills.“A gambler and his sister rip off the drug lord who murdered their father in order to pay for their mother’s cancer treatment.”2 Share ShareShare on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedInShare on WhatsAppdpg 105 Loglines 5,560 Reviews 558 Best Reviews 112,192 Points View Profile dpg Singularity 2020-08-29T05:18:29+10:00Added an answer on August 29, 2020 at 5:18 am It’s obvious they would want to take down the drug lord for revenge. But it’s not obvious *how* they would profit from it, *how* they would get the money to pay for their mom’s treatment.How exactly, do they plan to get the needed money? What does “take him down” entail? A heist of his loot? A con job? Or…?0 Share ShareShare on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedInShare on WhatsAppYou must login to add an answer. Username or email* Password* Remember Me! Forgot Password?