After the high school bullies reduce the sweet librarian to tears, a popular kid with a bright future risks expulsion to lead an alliance of seven uniquely skilled students to make sure the bullies get kicked out first.

    Summitry Posted on June 22, 2018 in Adventure.

    Reimagining of Seven Samurai / The Magnificent Seven but set in a high school.

    on June 22, 2018.
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    4 Review(s)

      Guillerson covered similar premise with —
      https://logline.it/logline/when-an-idealistic-boy-tired-of-bullying-establishes-a-secret-club-of-victims-to-impart-justice-some-members-of-the-group-begin-to-turn-into-very-dangerous-bullies/

      Which made me think….What’s the cool kid got to lose? Your version could benefit from clearly establishing stakes
      Good Luck mikepedley85!!

      Summitry Answered on June 22, 2018.

      Thanks (as ever) for the comments. I’ve amended to reflect your suggestions.

      on June 22, 2018.

      Your ideas are very “colourful”. I am learning a whole lot from you. Much thanks for being here.

      on June 23, 2018.

      Haha systematic of an overactive imagination and a unfulfilling job. Thank you though and thank you for your consistently valuable feedback.

      on June 25, 2018.
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        Very difficult to imagine what happens in this film.

        Instead of “After witnessing the high school bullies taking it one step too far,” give us a concrete inciting incident. And what does “…put an end to their reign of terror” mean? In the films you mention as comparison, the reigns of terror end when the bandits are dead.

        Mentor Answered on June 22, 2018.

        Valid points

        on June 22, 2018.

        Very valid points. Thanks for the feedback. I’ve amended the above to reflect your comments.

        on June 22, 2018.
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          I can imagine the satirical “reimagining of Seven Samurai / The Magnificent Seven” set in a high school, however I feel that the main protagonist being “the coolest kid in school” doesn’t quite sell the stakes to me.

          Are these bullies the cool kids friends? Are they taking a risk by destroying that friendship as well? Will they risk their popularity in doing so?

          The risk of expulsion works better for an honor role student or a “nerdy” student instead, since the perception of “cool kids” tends to be that they don’t care for things like that and tend to be laid back.

          The most interesting concepts usually involve a character with a unique flaw that will challenge him/her both in achieving the external goal and internal need. It makes us wonder “will the hero achieve their goal?”

          Anyway just my thoughts, I will elaborate if needed or if anything comes to mind.

          Samurai Answered on June 23, 2018.

          Thanks for your comments. I was trying to move away from the stereotype of the cool kid being someone who doesn’t care about grades. I wanted to try and create a character that is cool not only because he’s laid back, but he’s also a friend to everyone including teachers and gets good grades. That’s why I went with the librarian as the inciting incident rather than the usual nerds. She’s someone who this kid looks up to and they have a history where she’s actually helped him out. This kid actually has a very bright future so when threatened with expulsion he has to choose between his future or standing up for what’s right.

          This doesn’t necessarily come across in the logline however… maybe changing from “cool” to “popular kid with a bright future” or similar.

          on June 25, 2018.
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            I dig what I think is the heart of it, like a high school Michael Westen but more social, trying to be sneaky and whatnot, that’s fun. Does seem like a lot over some tears, though. Why not spend the time building her up? Why go straight to elaborate revenge that may cost him his future? If they’d actually hurt someone, that would make more sense. If the librarian is involved in the plotting, that makes more sense. I dunno, something’s not quite adding up. Why THIS bully? Why now, why THESE tears?

            Samurai Answered on June 28, 2018.

            The librarian is the final straw – I’ll see if I can rework the inciting incident to make that clear. In my head, the film starts with scenes of this group of bullies tormenting everyone, kids, teachers, bus drivers, and the protagonist witnesses it all, but when nobody stands up for the sweet little librarian who wouldn’t hurt a fly out of fear (she’s actually played a part in the protagonist’s life – that will be revealed later when the 6 others ask the same question – why now?) the protagonist feels the need to act. There’ll be an appropriate back story. Valid points though and I totally get what you’re saying. I’d like to think the librarian does get involved too (albeit sneakily).

            on June 28, 2018.

            So it’s not a problem in your script, only in the logline. Reason #437 why I hate loglines LOL…. but yeah, that all sounds good! 🙂

            on June 29, 2018.
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