Against a backdrop of growing religious conflict with a foreign civilization, an idealistic scientist seeks truth while a young civil servant seeks power.
This logline is confusing as it doesn’t describe a single main point of view character or specific goal and subsequently fails to illustrate a plot.
Who exactly is the story about and what does he or she specifically want?
“…seeks truth…” is too vague, in what way does he or she seek truth? What will this look like once achieved? Same applies to “…seeks power.”
Hope this helps.
I revised yours in an effort to fill in anything missing so I could see what else is missing and I think I agree, the thing missing is the so what.
Here’s my revision. When you get to the end (even with the made up details), you still ask, and what happened, so what. Can you provide that?
When a Middle Eastern country is plunged into religious turbulence and war, two men seek a resolve. One, a scientist, finds anthropological reasons for the war while another, a civil servant, tries to solve the war by creating a new political s.ystem.
“Amid religious turbulence and war, an idealistic scientist seeks the truth while a young civil servant seeks power.”
That’s a good question, because I’m struggling to define it. Both are from the same side in the war, but take very different positions (i.e. one is pro-war, the other anti). But as they don’t interact directly, I’ve seen them more as contrasting roles than opposing.
The latest draft of the logline lacks specificity as it uses vague descriptions similar to the original post.
What does “…uncovers its dark past…” mean? What will it look like?
What does “…power to shape its future…” mean? What will this look like?
The answers to these questions need to be clear in the logline because they will describe what the main action will be the characters take in the film.
Lastly, there are two separate characters with two separate vague goals.
Who is the main character? Who is the main dramatic point of view character?