Aged out of foster care, Eric Grid needs to learn magic if he wants to become rich competing in a high stakes poker league controlled by the mafia.

Penpusher Posted on December 3, 2018 in Noir.
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3 Review(s)

You are showing us two story points that are not naturally connected.

If a person wants to get rich playing poker, they would learn to play poker.
Instead, you say the lead character wants to get rich playing poker, so they must learn magic.

How do those elements connect, how will magic help a person become a better poker player?

Singularity Answered on December 3, 2018.
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This is much better.

Just show how the magic and poker are linked

Summitry Answered on December 3, 2018.
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It’s an interesting leap to go from “want to earn money playing poker” to “must learn magic”. I feel like this character must already have contact with the realm of magic to make that leap, so would it be better to say something like “needs to hone his magical abilities”?

Second, “if he wants to get rich” seems too ambiguous. Clearly, he wants to “get rich” or “win a ton of money” in this poker league so maybe “in order to” instead of “if he wants to”

Also, I feel like the fact that the poker league is controlled by the mafia doesn’t impact the story without some sort of stakes given… something like, “before the mafia realizes what he’s done”

And then, of course, you have to balance all of that with being concise…

At any rate, color me deeply intrigued for this concept and how it becomes a noir film.

Penpusher Answered on December 22, 2018.
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