An ambitious young actor begins a passionate love affair with a washed-up but wealthy older actress, however, her family suspect he’s a gold-digger and set out to undermine his career.

    Mentor Posted on January 2, 2020 in Romance.
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    4 Review(s)

      Who is the lead character, The young actor? The Older Actor? Or the suspicious family member? Who’s point of view are we seeing this story from?

      Singularity Answered on January 3, 2020.

      The young actor. I thought I’d lead with him.

      on January 5, 2020.

      That’s what I thought, however, I am not seeing a goal for the lead. It’s implied he wants a successful career, but unless he really is a golddigger then that has nothing to do with his love affair, which the story seems to be about.

      I think the goal should be that the lead character wants (More than anything) a specific leading role in a specific movie. The washed-up actress is helping him (Sort of an acting coach, helping him figure out the character)

      Now we know what the steaks are when the family members begin to undermine him.

      He wants a specific role in a specific movie and the family members tell the lead, if he doesn’t break up with their mother, they will do everything they can to stop him from getting the role.

      In doing this, every element described in the logline is still in the story, however, it adds a specific goal for the lead character and adds stakes to the story.

      on January 9, 2020.
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        Okay… I’m just playing around here.

        Longer logline: 

        An ambitious young actor trying to break into Hollywood, begins a passionate love affair with a washed up older actress, however, her family suspects he’s a gold-digger and set out to undermine his career.

        Not sure if I need “trying to break into Hollywood” as “ambitious young actor” probably does most of the work.

        The family I reckon are projecting. They’re the money-grubbing ones.

        The Sophie’s Choice dilemma would be love or career. I think this guy does genuinely love the girl – but there should always be doubt over why he’s with her… Perhaps even from her?.. As well as him?

        Perhaps he is attracted to the glamour she offers. Perhaps she knows this – but still relishes his company and what he offers.

        Just brainstorming here…

        Mentor Answered on January 2, 2020.
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          I agree… “ambitious” saves your word count over “trying to break into Hollywood” and carries plenty of weight.

          I love the idea – looking at insecurities and manipulation from many different viewpoints is something (as an audience!) I relish… it can be especially heart-rending when we don’t find out until the end that we’ve been manipulated too – e.g. family were in it for themselves and he actually loved her.

          Samurai Answered on January 7, 2020.

          Thanks Trixie. I’m glad it resonated with you.

          I think I’ll play around with it a bit more.

          I hope the hook/twist is innate.

          on January 7, 2020.
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            I like the idea. I think the family, rather than think he’s a gold-digger, think he’s just trying to take advantage of her to advance his career. This can include using her money but I think it’s important, since you’ve called him ‘ambitious’, for that ambition to be outwardly visible by his family. It makes total sense for them to be wary plus, since we’re not including the ending, it also makes the audience ask the question “is he just using her?” – that, to me, is interesting.

            The only other thing I wonder, is how the family can undermine his career. I think it would be better if they try and stop the relationship at every turn. This in turn causes problems for his career. That makes more sense to me.

            Hope this helps.


            Singularity Answered on January 7, 2020.
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