JohnAlen2025Penpusher Asked: October 9, 20212021-10-09T03:27:20+10:00 2021-10-09T03:27:20+10:00In: DramaAs a compulsive gambler watches a game that could erase his huge debt to a dangerous bookie, he thinks about how he got to this point and everything he has at stake.Title: Gamble ShareFacebook4 ReviewsVotedOldestRecenttschrack 2 Loglines 11 Reviews 0 Best Reviews 41 Points View Profile tschrack Penpusher 2021-10-12T00:13:51+10:00Added an answer on October 12, 2021 at 12:13 am Hi John – great story idea! I agree with Philippe that the ingredients are there but the hook is missing. Right off the bat “watches” is kind of a vanilla verb. If you keep this logline, maybe a more vivid verb is in order? Also, I assume he’s playing, not watching? Also for the adjective, compulsive, my head jumps right to “degenerate gambler that’s destroyed his life and those around him” so if that is not the character you are going for, you may want to take another look. If he’s caution to the wind, maybe “reckless” or if he’s actually good at it, maybe find something to show that?I get that you are trying to portray the story is being told in flashbacks but maybe that is not necessary for the logline? Maybe try and do the logline in linear format and then use the flashbacks as storytelling mechanisms in the screenplay?Here’s a quick-take: As a lifetime of self-inflicted debt catches up to him, a degenerate gambler goes all in (insert: at the card table (maybe)) to clear his name from a homicidal bookie.Is that helpful?0 Share ShareShare on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedInShare on WhatsAppJohnAlen2025 1 Logline 12 Reviews 0 Best Reviews 44 Points View Profile JohnAlen2025 Penpusher 2021-10-12T06:34:24+10:00Replied to answer on October 12, 2021 at 6:34 am Yes that is helpful. Thanks!0 Share ShareShare on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedInShare on WhatsAppPhilippe Le Miere 6 Loglines 47 Reviews 3 Best Reviews 472 Points View Profile Philippe Le Miere Logliner 2021-10-09T13:54:15+10:00Added an answer on October 9, 2021 at 1:54 pm “compulsive gambler” = protagonist “watches a game” = inciting incident “erase his huge debt” = story goal “a dangerous bookie” = villainAll the key ingredients for a logline are here, yet something feels missing. And it might be in the sentence “.. thinks about how he got to this point …”Nothing is more boring for audiences, than to watch a character sit there – thinking. Film Directors shout ACTION! for a reason, and it’s because a character’s action, is (yes, you guessed it) an expression of CHARACTER.So, the question is, what is our gambler friend going to do? Run, hide, rob a bank, murder a loved one … it’s your story, you decide, but what they do, determines who they are. Courageous or weak? Smart or dumb? Honest or Dishonest? These are the qualities which will fate the character. And more importantly, determine the story’s character arc.0 Share ShareShare on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedInShare on WhatsAppJohnAlen2025 1 Logline 12 Reviews 0 Best Reviews 44 Points View Profile JohnAlen2025 Penpusher 2021-10-09T20:57:06+10:00Replied to answer on October 9, 2021 at 8:57 pm Thanks for the feedback, Philippe.The thinking back I refer to is the protagonist’s backstory told through flashback as the game unfolds, not just him sitting there as he thinks. Perhaps that’s not coming through in the current logline and I need to clarify it.0 Share ShareShare on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedInShare on WhatsAppYou must login to add an answer. Username or email* Password* Remember Me! Forgot Password?