Being mocked for his frequent hemorrhoids, a frustrated teenager forms a group with elderly patients to protest and make people sympathetic towards them.

    Samurai Posted on June 28, 2018 in Family.

    The location is limited to a small town.

    on June 28, 2018.
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    8 Review(s)

      First of all, I just looked up hemorrhoids and I’m not entirely sure it’s something kids would want to hear about? I say that because you put it in the “Family” category. But second, and more craft-y, I’m hung up on the word “nagged”. If you had said “mocked”, I would get it. But nagged? Like someone’s trying to push him into dealing with the hemorrhoids, but he won’t? But he’s willing to go to all that trouble to form a group? I’m sure you meant mocked? Anyways, this sounds like it could be pretty fun, the idea of a teen teaming up with the elderly on anything really. Just maybe something slightly less gross, if it’s for kids. 🙂

      Samurai Answered on June 28, 2018.

      Good points

      on June 28, 2018.

      Well the medical term when explained is gross but I am sure that the gross part shall be shown in a way that it won’t make someone feel Eww. I was looking for a word as I first though it to be bullied, but bully does not give a perfect meaning. Mocked is good. Thanks. Target audience is family as any age group can watch it. If family makes it just for kids than I shall describe it as comedy. But thanks for good points.

      on June 28, 2018.

      Family doesn’t mean JUST kids but it does mean kids and so you’ll have to get creative on how to talk about hemorrhoids… which is completely doable. 🙂

      on June 29, 2018.
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        Why is he being “nagged” about something that isn’t his fault?  Who is nagging him?  And how do they know about his malady?  It’s not something that is normally common knowledge, that regular people would disclose to anyone and everyone they know.

        Singularity Answered on June 28, 2018.

        Who is nagging (mocking) him? The people he will protest against, the people he is surrounded by. The character has yet to develop a matured sense of humor. It can be revealed by his mother while she and her friends talk about their children, or the best friend he told his problem to. There can be many situations where his malady will get known to the people. The mocking is not harsh or anything serious. This is supposed to be a light heart drama.

        on June 28, 2018.
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          Who naggs him (or mocks him)

          Singularity Answered on June 28, 2018.

          The people he is protesting against. The people he is surrounded by.

          on June 28, 2018.

          You say he is being mocked
          I ask who is mocking him
          You say he is being mocked by the people mocking him. (The ones he is protesting against)

          on June 29, 2018.

          Let me help, is one of these below mocking him, maybe we can at least narrow it down:
          Is it his mother? Is it his father? Is it a school bully? Is it a street gang? Is it a teacher? Is it a friend of the family? Is it the student body president? is it his doctor?

          on June 29, 2018.

          Few batchmates in school, neighbor kids and some people from neighborhood, his uncle. These people are not bad but they are insensitive to feelings of such patients. Few of these people have a record that they hace done it with elderly too.

          on June 29, 2018.

          So I termed them as people. If you are suggesting that I use another term and not people, then I need suggestion for a term.

          on June 29, 2018.

          No, I am suggesting you put a face to the bad guy.

          As a rule: If everyone is to blame, then no one is to blame.

          That is why when someone is caught doing something bad, they say ‘everyone’ is doing it. It is a way of diluting blame.

          In a story, you don’t want to dilute blame. As a result, even if there is a group of people doing bad things, you want to narrow down a ringleader, a specific person the audience can connect to as ‘the bad guy’
          It doesn’t mean that one character is the only one doing the bad things, but it does give the audience a focus point.

          on June 29, 2018.

          Now I get that. I will surely work on it. Thanks!

          on June 29, 2018.
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            Making people more sympathetic is unrealistic and likely not going to solve the kid’s problem. If he’s got a problem with how other people are treating him, he would be better off changing his perception of what is bothersome and living a better life, instead of trying to change everyone else. The moral of the story is if someone hurts your feelings, form a mob and make them change. Granted this particular story has a comic element to it with the geriatrics and hemorrhoids, but it’s still pretty much the same.
            It would be more mature and realistic if the kid learned to grow as a person by ignoring the bad kids and finding a better group of friends (in this case the oldies).
            Sticks and stones…

            Singularity Answered on June 28, 2018.

            Possible title – Walking Sticks and Kidney Stones

            on June 28, 2018.

            It’s not un-cinematic to show such drama. His goal is to make people show sympathy towards the elderly hemorrhoid patients and himself. The drama and situation have a comic side and I feel I can show that.

            If I turn the goal individualistic and exclude the elderly patients then your suggestion, of making the kid more matured and develop a sense of ignorance to idiotic mockeries, works. But here I think the situation is different. Please do write to me so that I can understand more of your perspective to the idea.

            on June 28, 2018.
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              I really like the idea of a young person teaming up with a team of elderly patients but I agree with all the other comments. Definitely think there’s a possible story here I’m just not sure it should revolve around haemorrhoids. Maybe the kid gets in trouble with the law and has to do community service with the elderly. He thinks it’s gonna be a real chore but actually starts enjoying his time with them so much that he starts campaigning for them to get better treatment in the community.

              Summitry Answered on June 28, 2018.

              Thanks for a good title suggestion. The hemorrhoid problem will not be shown in a ‘gross’ way though.

              on June 28, 2018.
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                Some elderly people suffer from hemorrhoids.  Some don’t.  But the logline makes no such distinction.  In that regard it seems to stereotype the elderly.

                Singularity Answered on June 28, 2018.

                Yeah thats why I stated elderly patients.

                on June 28, 2018.

                I mean no disrespect to any elders. The elderly group will hold a different comic sense to the story, it makes the tone of the story lighter. They are really respectable characters.

                on June 28, 2018.
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                  >>>Yeah thats why I stated elderly patients.
                  ???
                  You seem to have missed my point.  Not all elderly “patients” have hemorrhoids.  But your logline makes no distinction.

                  Singularity Answered on June 29, 2018.

                  Ok! You are stating that I must use the term ‘hemorrhoids suffering elderly patients’. Is it not evident that once you state a disease and talk about the patients, it shall reflect the same disease suffering patients? If it is not clear to majority of reader than I shall change but I am unsure if its necessary. I do appreciate you reflecting that and you can suggest the changed term and I will do it. Thanks.

                  on June 29, 2018.

                  It could be assumed that they are all haemorrhoid sufferers but the logline should be clear enough so people don’t have to make assumptions.

                  on June 29, 2018.

                  I will look up for a term to make it read hemorrhoid patients. If you have any suggestion, do write Mike.

                  on June 29, 2018.
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                    Perhaps change it from elderly patients to elderly sufferers or even “the haemorrhoidic elderly”.

                    Since anyone at any age can get haemorrhoids (although it’s more common in older age), couldn’t it be a “forms a support group of fellow sufferers…”

                    If the aim of the protagonist is to raise awareness about haemorrhoids and make them more accepted in society then surely having a diverse group of sufferers will say a lot more than a group of the stereotypical elderly sufferers.

                    Summitry Answered on June 29, 2018.

                    Yes I have thought about that point and if necessary I shall add such characters.

                    on June 29, 2018.

                    I think it could be necessary to make sure the logline doesn’t seem like it’s conforming to a stereotype which could be the difference between someone reading your screenplay or not.

                    on June 29, 2018.

                    It’s the protag who gathered elderly people, not me. He wants to stand for them too. The character is a teenager who has been loved by his grandparents, so he has much love and respect for elderly and during frustration and support he seeks help from elderly rather than his friends or any middle aged person. But later on as story progress his protest can be joined by people of different ages but initially this is a group of him and elderly.

                    on June 29, 2018.

                    You’re writing the protagonist though, right? If the film’s message is about raising awareness about haemorrhoids and making them more accepted in society then the group needs to be more diverse. If it’s a film about respecting the elderly then get rid of the haemorrhoids.

                    on June 29, 2018.

                    Yes ‘making the group more diverse’ will happen somewhere in the story as more people will join his protest but what I am saying is that initially he will start off with a group of elderly.

                    on June 29, 2018.

                    That’s fine. All I’m saying is that since the logline is summarising the whole film, expressing that diversity straight away could potentially encourage someone to read it as they feel it’s not just conforming to the sterotype. I’m simply talking about amending the logline. .

                    on June 30, 2018.

                    I think that will be a problem to ponder when I write the screenplay. I must avoid the thought of stereotyping the elderly patients. So I will address that problem on a later stage. Thanks. It’s a pointer from dpg and you.

                    on July 3, 2018.
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