Crashed on a faraway planet with retrograde amnesia, a young, ingenious but highly schizophrenic astronaut strives to rebuild her spacecraft while endeavoring to outwit a manipulative, shape-shifting alien whose sole impetus is to repopulate by abusing her as a host.
My understanding is that retrograde amnesia causes you to lose existing memories. How come she remembers how to rebuild her spacecraft?
I agree with dpg. I’m also curious as to why she needs to be schizophrenic? What purpose does that have within the story?
I kinda like the concept — has touches of Alien/ The Thing/ Invasion of the body snatches/ even Contact (even Moon..)… Agree with the above that there are some logical issues and perhaps a bit too much going on (at 40 words…) — you could definitely trim down character description …
“A young astronaut, suffering bouts of amnesia, must repair her crashed ship on a desolate planet before a shape-shifting alien uses her as a host to repopulate its world.”
Best of luck with this one 🙂
Thank you all for the feedback! I understand how it’s challenging to suspend disbelief on the schizophrenia aspect. It doesn’t make sense. My apologies for that — I am removing that detail, as it wasn’t as relevant to the story after I reanalyzed it. I also want to clarify that retrograde amnesia is only amnesia that removes memories, not skills. For example, this astronaut may not remember what car she once had on Earth, but she’ll still remember how to drive it. The same concept applies here to the spacecraft, which is why I believe it’s important to specify that the amnesia is retrograde, and that it is progressive (worsens over time). To keep it at plain language, I think I can replace amnesia with memory loss, but specify that it is progressive, and achieve the same, albeit more clear result. With all your extremely helpful feedback in mind (which I deeply thank you for), here is my revision:
Crashed on a faraway planet with progressive memory loss, a young astronaut must rebuild her spacecraft before a shape-shifting alien makes her the host to repopulate its world.
I’ll post this, marked with (2nd revision) on another post. Thank you again. I look forward to your feedback.
If she has progressive memory loss, but can still fix the spacecraft, does that imply that the memory loss isn’t pivotal to her fate? In a logline a cognitive defect is only worth mentioning if it puts the attainment of her objective goal in jeopardy. So, for the purpose of the plot, why MUST she have progressive memory loss?
It seems you’ve given the character two major tasks: 1] fix the spacecraft; 2] fend off the alien. Which task is primary, going to get more screen time?
And if she fends off the alien, but can’t fix the spacecraft is she stranded on the planet, doomed to die anyway?
What is the story really and singularly about? What is the overarching theme that organizes the narrative?