Billy14:In my book, the most important element a logline needs is a clear, strong, irresistible hook. Speaking as a potential...
(30 words) Time Freak (2018) Genres: romance, sci-fi
This film is an expansion of a 10 minute short. Not an expansion of the plot of the short. Rather, it’s an expansion of the story hook (aka in marketing as the USP: Unique Selling Point). In the short, the protagonist invents the time machine to solve an unromantic problem, a clothing item not ready for pickup at a laundry on the date promised.
The above is the marketing logline that focuses on the USP. As for a development logline that lays out the actual plot commencing with an inciting incident, well, maybe something like:
Getting knocked down in a car accident gives a young genius a brainstorm for a time machine to go back and tweak the relationship of the girl he loves until she loves him. (33 words)
I haven’t seen this, sounds interesting
The story hook certainly did its job on me. It motivated me to view the DVD. However, the execution of the plot was, well, disappointing.
The DVD also had the short — that’s how I discovered the backstory on the development of the feature length film.
It sounds very similar to ‘About Time’ by Richard Curtis