During a medieval LARP Event in a remote forest, a group of friends is looking for rescue as something within the woods is haunting and capturing the peoples minds and lets them feel the urge to commit suicide.

Karuzo Penpusher Asked on October 10, 2017 in Horror.
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4 Review(s)
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It’s a concept with a unique point of view. Like the others mentioned, people who are not familiar with LARPing are going to feel immediately confused. Unfortunately that includes potential producers. Why not make it a “fish out of water” story where the main character is just a normal person that gets thrown into this world? You have the unexplained suicides which could be used as the stakes/antagonist. But you still need an inciting event. Why are we there and how did we get there? And why should we care? The “why should we care” is fixed by giving us an interesting character to root for: someone like us, clueless boring people who don’t know, or care very much, about LARPing.

luluwho Penpusher Reviewed on October 12, 2017.

I guess you’re right. I will rewrite this one.
Thank you for your feedback!

on October 12, 2017.
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What is a LARP event from medieval times exactly? Without knowing that, I don’t get how it relates to suicidal suggestions.

Foxtrot25 Summitry Reviewed on October 10, 2017.
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Perhaps using some adjectives to describe this group of friends would give a better idea as to how they’d react.

saosci Penpusher Reviewed on October 11, 2017.
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Agreed with the above.

All descriptions in a logline need to be clear to a reader without the need for research, putting it another, describe the LARP event instead of naming it.

Grammar aside, the logline doesn’t describe the characters as active rather as passive – waiting to be rescued, stories are best told about active characters in pursuit of goals. Why not make it so these characters fight the entity or find a way to trap it instead of haplessly standing around waiting for someone else to take action and save them?

Last thing, which of the characters in the group is the most acitve one? Make him or her the main character and focus the logline on his or her actions.

Nir Shelter Singularity Reviewed on October 11, 2017.

Thank you for your useful feedback!

on October 12, 2017.
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