FALL IN BLANK:Outline
Charlie was born into a single-parent family, and his mother, Rebecca, was a woman who was passionate about love. One morning, 6-year-old Charlie is locked in her house as usual by Rebecca because she is going on a date with her lover. Charlie is bored at home watching children’s programs on TV. Suddenly he wanted to go out, so he used a screwdriver to remove the dog door on the door and got out. He looks so free at this time. But for some reason, everyone on the road was watching him as if they were watching a weirdo. A policeman stopped him and rudely asked for his address. Frightened, Charlie instinctively ran into the train station. The train stops in the city center. Charlie felt as if he had never been here before but there was a sense of familiarity. He made his way through the blocked roads and crowded pedestrian streets on instinct and finally stopped in front of a building. Charlie looked at what the building looked like, and some vague fragments appeared in his mind. The fragments of memory were reminding him that he had been here with a young woman. Sometimes the image of the woman and her mother, Rebecca, overlapped each other. Thinking of this gave him a headache. He decided to go into the building. Charlie escaped the security who wanted to stop him with a nimble run and ran into the elevator. The elevator reached the fifth floor, and Charlie ran outside an office. A beautiful middle-aged woman is working hard inside. At this point the security came and grabbed Charlie. Charlie fought back hard. His voice alarmed everyone in the office, including the beautiful woman. The woman stood up and watched this scene in surprise, then quickly ran to Charlie and the security guard and asked Charlie why he was here. The camera rotates around the woman’s body, and finally stops on Charlie’s body. The woman uttered the word dad. And Charlie is an old man in his eighties. Charlie is an Alzheimer’s patient.
Damon CONGPenpusher
Dangerous and heart-wrenching things an elderly Charlie does because of his own Alzheimer’s and bad childhood memories.
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What mood should Charlie be in as a child? cry? Flat face but sad inside? Coincidence?
The expressions of the people around him when they saw the old Charlie in their eyes.
the MAJOR EVENT: Charlie’s escape
the MAIN CHARACTER: Charlie (child) Charlie (old)
the ACTION/GOAL: find mom,get a mother’s love
This is a cool idea for a short film, but in your logline I feel like you give the entire surprise away. The logline should leave the reader to ask “I wonder what will happen?” I wonder if you might consider not telling us in the log-line that Charlie is an elderly man, rather set it up in such a way that we believe a neglected child has escaped his home seeking his mother’s love as you noted below, but that strange and dangerous things begin to happen to him in his search for her. This allows the reader to intuit a mystery about the story. The log line’s whole intention is to make someone want to pick up your script and read it, or watch your film, the surprise of this film is that Charlie is not a child at all, but if you give that away in the logline then you’ve taken away the audience/reader’s ability to be surprised by your final reveal.
Thank you for your extensive review!
On this site, I encourage people to reveal as much as possible, as we’re developing our stories and the people reading are not (yet) the audience.
Until the film is complete, in our industry we want to share as much information with the time-poor decision makers. So if a logline gives away the ending, I see it as a bonus.
Different rules apply for the marketing logline, where mystery and intrigue certainly have a place.
Thanks for your feedback. But as my teacher said, my most important task in making this logline is to let my teacher understand my idea and get his help. Your proposal makes sense and I will remember it. thanks.
Brainstorming
resentment, compared, conflict, forbearance, growing up, satisfy, generation gap, dying hallucination, conceited, trust, money, life, complicated, news, captivity, leave, enter terminal, transportation, variety, city, gold, wind, memories, childhood sweetheart convention, mother, family, love, warm, haven, cage, dream, beautiful, style, old man, die haven’t seen you for a long time, rejuvenated, disease, trust, busy, dark, boring, friend, social contact, hope, help, indifferent, blank, run away, free, shackles, old house, Irresponsible, childhood shadow, nightmare, constraint, end, cure, custom, not understood, police, traffic jam, capital