Five saviours of Earth are tested when strange, celestial fighters, now in their ultimate forms after taking twelve-hundred years to hatch from eggs, declare to destroy the Galaxy for the murder of their sibling.

    Samurai Posted on September 1, 2019 in SciFi.


    on September 1, 2019.
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    2 Review(s)

      I see that you have posted several log lines and all of them suffer in terms of plot. They all describe a starting point, the world of the story, but don’t take it from there.

      You will get great help by checking out the formula people in here have been telling you, and then revisit your log line attempts and edit them.

      Mentor Answered on September 7, 2019.
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        If they’re already saviours, how is anything much of a test or challenge? Heroes need to struggle or the battle is meaningless. It has to be possible for them to lose, yet find a way to win. And are they the ones who killed the sibling? Doesn’t sound very saviour-like. If it wasn’t them, who was it? Why are they not part of this story? Or are they part of this story and it just hasn’t been mentioned here? Sometimes too much information creates questions based on a need for comprehension rather than interest.

        Too many commas. Make it simple and straightforward: protagonist, antagonist, conflict, stakes. Don’t weigh it down with unnecessary details or descriptions, like the bad guys being strange or 1200 years old or hatched from eggs. Nobody needs to know that yet. Just provide the basics. One adjective usually works.

        “Five super-powered Earthlings must save the galaxy from ancient celestial warriors out for revenge.”

        Maybe a little too short and not enough detail, but the four basic needs are there, and it encourages people to read more — like a summary or synopsis or even the script — to find out what happens and why. It makes people want to know: what powers do the humans have? What are these celestial beings like, how do they fight? Revenge for what? It doesn’t say, but it’s intriguing without being unclear.

        Samurai Answered on September 9, 2019.

        I prefer my logline over the one you suggested, since it is unlike most other loglines which follow the exact same formula. Also, I find mine to be much more intriguing. The same exact questions you think your logline would raise can also be considered when reading my logline attempt.

        on November 8, 2019.
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