Former sheriff faces the treaty from his past and is kidnapped by his former outlaw companion to fullfil their agreement.To get away with getting killed in the end of their journey,he leaves joker cards behind,as a clues for an agent who is tracking him.

    The Jack of Spades

    Penpusher Posted on January 14, 2015 in Public.
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    3 Review(s)

      The story elements in this logline are fragment and as a result the plot is unclear.

      Just to clarify.

      Main character: a former sheriff

      Inciting incident: he is kidnapped

      Goal: to be rescued

      The main character action: leaving joker cards for an agent

      I think the problem here may be with the concept and character. If he is a former sheriff presumably he can put up a fight and wouldn’t be easy to kidnap, is he injured and therefore can’t fight back? How could someone just kidnap a former sheriff?

      Once kidnapped why would the sheriff comply with the demands of the perpetrator? Can’t he just refuse to do anything? Are his morals being challenged doesn’t want to break a promise to a former friend but doesn’t want to break the law (this is eluded to but not described as his central dilemma)?

      Leaving cards for someone else to find is not a compelling enough an action to satisfy a whole act 2 of a film. What else can he do to help him self that would be more interesting for an audience or more importantly for a reader?

      Lastly the main character’s problem is a grown man getting away from a kidnaper (no immediate threats have been described) this is not a story worthy problem on its own. Can you add a personal aspect to this? Or make it a must achieve goal or else? Perhaps a ticking time bomb of sorts?

      Hope this helps.

      Singularity Answered on January 15, 2015.
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        What Nir Shelter said.

        And how does the agent know to hunt for jokers? And where to look? And an agent for what, for whom?

        Singularity Answered on January 17, 2015.
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          Was the outlaw an outlaw when he was a former companion? As picky as it sounds your logline as to be as clear as possible. Plus avoid using the same word, repetition doesn’t flow.

          Singularity Answered on January 17, 2015.
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