When a lonely teenager, raised by intelligent machines, dreams they are lying about the extinction of humankind, he decides to run away on a perilous quest to find other humans.

    Samurai Posted on October 20, 2018 in SciFi.
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    4 Review(s)

      In a post-apocalyptic world, a boy being raised in the Outback by loving robots who tell him he is the only human left, goes in search of people who inhabit his dreams.

      32 words,  awkward, but…

      I think it would be more interesting if the robots are perfect parents.  He has no objective reason to doubt what they say, or resent or rebel against their parenting.  Hence, he has no “good” reason or desire to to leave  — except he must follow his dreams.

      This raises several dramatic questions.  Can he survive alone in the hostile environment of the Outback?  And will he find other humans?

      fwiw

      Singularity Answered on October 23, 2018.

      Thank you for your feedback.

      He was raised with two other humans but they died in an accident when he was very young, ten years ago. He is 17 now and his desire is to go south of Australia (he is near Lake Amadeus) and check out the big cities. The machines/ mindware tell him that 200.000 years have passed and he will find no one and that his future is outside the island but for that he must be physically and mentally prepared.

      The machines are great parents but the boy needs human contact. The tenth anniversary of the other two human children is coming soon: he is nostalgic and depressed. The machines do not lie to him but they omit some information about his future. They omit it because it’s part of their programming. He is tired of waiting for something to happen so he runs away.

      He is capable of living from the fat of the land and confronting the perils that have been evolving on this island. He will discover the hard truth when he arrives to Canberra. The voyage is not just geographical but of the mind as well. After this, he will be ready for the next phase the robots have planned to him: a plan created long ago by an extinct species.

      on October 24, 2018.
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        >>>dreams that they are lying
        Lying about what?

        And what is so compelling about the dream that it motivates him to flee?

        >>>others like him

        Like him in what way?  Machine raised, too, or…?

        >>>overcoming his fear to be alone

        ???  Aren’t most people? What’s so unusual about that?

        Singularity Answered on October 23, 2018.

        Thank you for your input. I made an upgrade that I hope answers your questions and make the logline clearer.

        on October 23, 2018.
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          >>>He is tired of waiting for something to happen

          I thought the incitement to action was the dreams.  Which is more compelling and fitting it seems to me given he’s being cast as a dude with a destiny.

          >>>He is capable of living from the fat of the land and confronting the perils that have been evolving on this island

          “Fat of the land” in the middle of the Outback?? I venture that’s not the image the word “Outback” conjures up in most people’s minds.

          Whatever, if that’s the way it is in the world of your story, it’s seems to me to be overlooking some of the archetypal gold of the plot: to wit, he undertakes a hero’s journey; trekking out of the Outback is a rite of passage. It seems to me that every step of the way his survival should be in doubt; he faces seemingly insurmountable obstacles, life-threatening  jeopardy. 

          fwiw

          Singularity Answered on October 26, 2018.

          Thank you for the information. Yes, I’m thinking of using the hero’s journey to help me built the narrative. I’m using Vogler’s 12 steps as a reference but I’m writing it with several flashbacks.
          I never said he lived in the outback. He lives in a continental island that has several kinds of ecosystems and it’s 200,000 years in the future. The trip south is perilous: I will try and convey that in my next logline upgrade.

          on October 26, 2018.
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            RE: I never said he lived in the outback

            You wrote in an earlier comment:  “…go south of Australia (he is near Lake Amadeus).”  So I assumed….

            Whatever, my general point stands:  the setting should confront him with insurmountable obstacles, life-threatening jeopardy from the git-go.

            Singularity Answered on October 26, 2018.
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